Divergent's Choice: The Bowl of Black Coals
by fictionalmusings
Summary: Anna runs away from her past, but finds out freedom doesn't come easy. Although Abnegation is generally a peaceful community, Anna's time there was filled with pain and suffering. When she transfers to Dauntless she is faced with new challenges that push her to the breaking point. This is a story of finding one's inner strength, along with some romance.
1. Chapter 1

Slowly I grabbed the knife. The blade caught the light and for a moment I was blinded. The room was silent but the pounding in my ears drowned all my senses. My hand had a slow tremor. I raised the blade to my palm and pressed it down into my skin until I could see red. The blood was pooling on raised palm. With a ragged breath, I let my blood falls onto the bowl of black coals—_what have I done?_

"Dauntless" faltered the voice of our leader Marcus.

It was the day when all the 16 year-olds in the city chose their future, chose their faction and possibly changed their lives. Our population is divided into five factions: Abnegation, Dauntless, Candor, Erudite, and Amity. Each faction has its own characteristics, lifestyle and jobs. Abnegation, my original faction, prides itself on being selfless, taking care of the homeless and running the government. Most people that make up this faction are genuine; they took me in when my family died. They care so much about everyone that it aches my heart because, I had to escape it, the good did not make up for the bad. And the bad had been terrorizing me day and night for a year and a half.

By dripping my blood on the black coals, I chose to escape my nightmare by leaving my _wholesome_ community. The Dauntless are brave, loud, and full of life. I made a choice to be someone completely different than I was raised, and it terrified me. But I was free.

I looked up at Markus one last time before I walk to join my new faction, his eyes were brimming with tears, his skin had paled, and he was utterly confused. As my gaze met with his, I was overwhelmed with hate, fear and pain. I turned my back from him and once I am sat with my new faction, the ceremony continued but Markus's eyes barely left me. I looked down at my hand but I could still feel his stare.

The ceremony concluded and I didn't look at Marcus or my home faction again. I just ran with the other Dauntless—down the stairs, through the streets until we met some raised train tracks. The others started climbing the tall iron pillars that held up the tracks. I laughed because I was already tired from running. I laughed because I had dreamt of escape but didn't image what would happen when I escaped. I laughed because I knew I could do this—I could survive.

Once at the top everyone stood in clumps, bouncing on the balls of their feet in anticipation of what might happen next. I heard the train gliding towards us and people around me started running. I was behind the rest but I following their lead. One by one they jumped up into the train's cars. Soon I was the only one who wasn't on the train. Gathering all my courage and strength I leapt up, grabbed the handle to the train's door, and swung my feet in. It wasn't graceful, but I made it.

The cart was full of initiates, Dauntless born and transfers. The Dauntless born were relaxed, chatting animatedly while the transfers kept to themselves eyeing their surroundings. The train ride was about thirty minutes and I sat next to a Candor girl, we exchanged pleasant smiles but didn't talk much due to the fact we were still catching our breath. Thirty minutes streamed by and the Dauntless born were all getting up and jumping out of the train doors… across a gap, onto a rooftop.

"Are they trying to kill us?" questioned the Candor girl.

"No," I started, "they're testing us."

We only had moments to contemplate what we were doing. I grabbed her hand and ran as fast as I could and jumped. For a few seconds I felt weightless. I was floating high above the ground with the sun warming my skin and I was flying free—for about two seconds before I hitting the rooftop, hard. I had gravel imbedded into my hands, my plain grey dress was ripped and my body ached.

"My name is Max," said a large man standing on the ledge at the far side of the building. "I am one of the five Dauntless Leaders. Welcome to your initiation. This is Eric another leader."

Max gestured to the stocky man next to him. He had short blonde hair, his arms were covered in tattoos and his face was pierced in multiple places. His steal grey eyes peered savagely at the group. Eric was truly terrifying.

"Initiates, at Dauntless we pride ourselves on being brave, pushing our limits and protecting every living being within the fence. Today is your first chance to be brave. On the other side of this ledge is a hole, the entrance to our faction, and to get there you must jump. Who will be first?" Eric challenged us.

"Is this water at the bottom?" asked a boy dressed in blue, Erudite.

"I guess you'll see," responded Eric.

There was a few seconds of silence, no one was moving. I had been last at almost everything already today; I couldn't let that keep happening. I stepped forward. My heart was racing.

"A stiff, interesting," said Eric.

His eyes clung to my body. My long brown hair had fallen out of my tight abnegation bun with the running and jumping, so it now loosely hung in a ponytail. My cheeks were flushed, my green eyes wide and gazed up at the Dauntless Leaders. My plain dress that was ripped in a few places hung on my curves that were once covered by a baggy jacket I ditched back when we were running. I looked like a deer in the headlines but it wasn't going to stop me.

I unsteadily stepped up on the ledge and looked down, I couldn't see anything in the hole. I looked back at the initiates, glanced quickly at Max and Eric, took a deep breath and jumped. It only took a few seconds to land on the net below.

An arm reached out to help me down- it was strong but gentle. Once it helped me down, I saw the owner of the arm, a young, beautiful, stern looking man. He had brown hair, deep brown eyes and a strongly defined face. My eyes must have still been wide making me look like Bambi because he said with a laugh, "Did you get pushed?"

"No," I said breathlessly, my face getting pink.

"I am Four," he said, "What's your name?"

"Anna."

"First jumper," he yelled into the darkness, "Anna!"

Cheering erupted from the darkness. My eyes started to adjust and I realized the empty hole I jumped into was actually a large room filled with people. Four directed me where to stand while the next jumper landed on the net. It was a Candor boy, he screamed the whole way down.

Once everyone was down they split us into two groups: Transfers and Dauntless born. Four took the transfers on a tour. I stuck close to the Candor girl I jumped onto the roof with.

"This is your living quarters," said Four.

Homey was not a way to describe this room. It had ten beds and ten small dressers, blank dinghy walls, poor lighting and what looked like mold growing in the corners. The room was not inviting but I smiled at it because, now, it was home.

After dinner we returned to the room where all nine of us slept. As we went to sleep, I could feel the terror pulsing through the room. After about ten minutes on male initiate started crying loudly. It was a tough night for all of us.


	2. Chapter 2

_I was walking home from school when I started feeling anxiety in the pit of my stomach, I didn't know why I felt this way, the sun was out and it seemed like pleasant afternoon. I kept looking around me to see if I was followed, I wasn't. I told myself I was just being foolish._

_Once I got to my home in the Abnegation sector of the city my anxiety grew. My front door was wide open. I almost didn't want to walk up to it because something deep inside me said something ominous lingered inside. But I went forward anyway._

_Entering the barrier of my house there was stillness in the chaos of overturned chairs, scattered books, and broken tables. There was devastating destruction in the silence, it didn't make sense, shouldn't there be noise to accompany the mess? The silence engulfed me in more terror than the mess._

_"Mom? Dad?" I started shouting and running through the house._

_There was no answer. I was utterly alone._

I woke up gasping for air in a room full of strangers and the loneliness was drowning me. It was a dreadful way to start initiation but I didn't want to let it affect my training, with only a handful of us able to join Dauntless in the end, I needed to push myself. I needed to find a home.

Being awake before everyone else had its advantages, I was able to take a nice, long, private shower in the initiate's bathroom. The idea of all of us in the showers at once was terrifying. As the hot water ran through my hair I thought about how I didn't want anyone to see me naked, and I didn't want to see anyone else naked. The only other person I've seen naked before, I shouldn't have. The thought of him sent a shiver down back.

I was clean and dressed before Four came in to wake us up. He walked into the center of the room, looked around at the sleeping initiates and anger filled his eyes. Just as he was about to start shouting our eyes met. It looked like he was fighting a smile.

"Why are you all still sleeping? Get up and meet in the pit in five minutes." His voice boomed through the room. He nodded his head for me to follow him.

I was nervous to be alone with the instructor but I followed him out the door and down the hall to the pit. The pit, a gigantic common area in the center of the compound equipped with a flowing chasm, was fairly empty when Four and I arrived.

"Could you not sleep?" Four inquired breaking the silence between us.

My heart sped a little knowing his eyes were on me.

"I have never slept very well," I responded. My eyes rose from the ground to meet his as I spoke. His face looked to be made of stone, void of all emotion. I knew my checks must be flushed. I didn't hold eye contact for very long.

He didn't respond. I wrapped myself in my arms as we waited for the others. It didn't take long for the others to sleepily trickle down to the pit. Once Christina was there I stood next to her.

"Good Morning," I whispered to her.

"MMM, morning," she responded a bit louder than me. "How long have you been up?"

"Maybe about an hour," I said.

"Did you two talk? Was it weird to be alone with him? Isn't he scary?" she nodded towards Four.

I shrugged my shoulders but really, I agreed with her, Four was intimidating. I felt more comfortable with Christina by my side. Even though she claimed Four was scary, she didn't flinch when spoke or look away when their eyes met- she seemed fearless to me. I wish I could be more like her.

"Today is your first day of training," spoke Four. "I expect all of you to push yourself past your comfort zones, past your weaknesses and find your strength. We accept nothing but excellence here at Dauntless. Fight for your spot."

With that he led us down a series of halls, never looking back, never speaking until we got to the training room. This room was where we were going to learn to fit into our new faction. If we failed here we would never find a home within this compound. A spark of excitement extinguished my anxiety for a moment- this room is where I would become strong.

Our first lesson was learning to shoot a gun. In my hands, the gun felt awkward, dangerous. After Four showed us a demonstration we were to start practicing. Almost immediately people started shooting, missing, getting frustrated and trying again.

To my right was a Candor transfer, Peter. He was cocky, abrasive and good. Almost immediately he was hitting the target and within ten minutes was hitting the center. On my left was Christina, she didn't start off well, but was quickly getting better.

I did not immediately start firing. It was so unnatural for me to hold a gun, it felt too big and it didn't seem smart to start firing without thinking. I looked at the gun, held it, took deep breathes and took time looking down the scope at the target.

"Looks like Stiff forgot what a gun is for," sneered Peter once he realized I hadn't fired.

I sent him a dirty look. I wasn't going to let him intimate me into making a mistake. I ignored his comment and focused on what I was doing. After aiming and breathing for a long time, I felt ready. I fired the gun but wasn't ready for the blowback, I stumbled a few step back. Peter laughed at my attempt. I tired again but this time I planted myself in my spot ready for the force after I pulled the trigger. I hit the center. I smiled happy with myself.

"Good job Stiff," came a voice from behind me that took my smile away. It was Eric. I was so focused on getting comfortable with the gun that I didn't notice him walk in. I point the gun to the ground and turn my head to look at him. His grey eyes were viscous.

"Thank you," I managed to squeak out.

"Lets see it again."

I was less comfortable now, knowing that there were eyes on me. With a deep but shaky breath I lift the gun again and aimed. I emptied my round. All shots made it onto the target, a few hitting center but most scattered throughout the paper. I turned to look at Eric who was now accompanied by Four and they both seemed satisfied.

"Surprisingly you did well," said Eric, but the glint in his eye told me something malicious was coming next. "But you aren't in Stiff country anymore and need to stop dressing like it."

I looked down; I was dressed in all black. My confused eyes looked between Eric and Four.

"Your sweatshirt is much too baggy, Stiff," said Eric sounding bored. I heard Peter chuckle. After a moment of silence Eric continued, "Take it off, now."

I was wearing a tank top under my sweatshirt but I have never showed that much skin in public before.

"I'm waiting," he said when I hesitated.

I took it off and was left in a skimpy tank top that showed my shoulders, cleavage and just a little of my stomach. I felt naked. Four rolled his eyes and walked away but Eric's eyes lingered on me, violating me.

"That's more like it," he said and walked away smirking.

"Who knew you had a body under that tent Stiff?" Peter said aggressively.

My eyes met with Christina's, she gave me an encouraging smile and we kept shooting up until lunch

We entered the cafeteria after the morning of shooting feeling happy, confident and more Dauntless. Most of the initiates were doing well with the guns and for a brief moment we thought training might not be so bad.

Christina and I searched for a place to sit for lunch. We walked between tables trying to find friendly faces or open spaces. I felt like people were following us with their eyes, but I'm sure it was just my imagination because I felt so exposed in my tank top. We found a space across from to two male transfers, Will and Al.

"Hi!" Christina said as we sat down, always outgoing and loud. I smiled and nodded as a greeting.

Will looked at me and said, "You have to be pretty brave to be friends with a Candor."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Christina questioned.

"You say the first thing that comes to your mind," he explained. "You have no filter."

Christina and Will had a solid banter going throughout lunch as Al and I just listened and laughed at the appropriate times. It was nice. I seemed like I might actually be starting to make some friends.


	3. Chapter 3

After lunch we went back to the training room and started to learn the basics of fighting. I was not as naturally gifted with this as I was using a gun. Each time I struck the punching bag my hands ached and the bag barely moved. After an hour I put my face in my hands out of frustration.

I looked around at the other initiates and I felt myself loosing my confidence. At 5'1 the others all have at least a good 5 inches on me. Out of the girls, I was certainty the softest, most feminine with my curves and long hair. I was the weakest. How did I think I would survive?

Emotion bubbled to the surface and in one fluid movement I raised my elbow, striking the bag. My emotion gave me the strength to make the bag swing. Of course, I was shocked, so when it swung back towards me, I got hit and I fell to the floor.

Unbeknown to me, Four had been watching me. He stretched out his arm to help me up. Hesitantly I took it and mumbled a barely audible "thank you."

"You're weak," he states.

"Uh, yeah," I said, face reddening and eyes looking at the ground.

He grabbed my chin, forcing me to look him in the eyes. My heart fluttered with nerves and something else. "But you have a fire inside you. Use it or you'll never win a fight. Keep going," he said. His eyes were fierce and my throat felt like it was closing. I never wanted it to end but it only lasted a few seconds. It took me five minutes to breathe regularly again.

Once 6 O'clock came around, I felt a little stronger but still understood my huge disadvantage against the others. But I was no longer powerless, I wasn't in Abnegation, I wasn't in his house, I could make myself stronger. I realized, walking out of the training room that first day that I would have to try harder than everyone else. I was going to be strong, feel confident in my own skin and belong here. No more baggy sweatshirts, it was time to find courage- or try.

"What should we do tonight?" asked Christina as we were eating dinner.

Before either, Al or Will could answer I pip up, "I think we should start looking the part by getting new clothes and tattoos." I smiled into my food because I knew they were shocked, I didn't talk much and my response was the opposite of what Abnegation would say.

"Lets do it" Christina responded with excitement.

At the clothing store I picked out a handful of tops, none that were quiet as revealing as my tank top today, but all showed skin. I even picked out a skirt and dress, both that came up much higher than my knee. There is no way Eric or anyone else could say I look like a Stiff now.

As we were leaving I tripped and dropped my bags. Will helped me while Al and Christina headed in the direction of the tattoo parlor. When I bent over to grab my clothing, the shirt I was wearing raised to show more of my back revealing a few red lashes.

"Anna, are you hurt, what's that?" Will said as he went to touch my back.

I pulled my shirt down quickly and tried to restart my heart- _he saw my scars_. "It nothing, don't worry about it," I tried to brush it off but he didn't stop.

"We can take you to the infirmary, when did you get cut, let me see," his Erudite brain was thinking of things before he could speak them. When he raised my shirt in the back to see, he realized they weren't new injuries. My eyes pleaded with him to let it go before we joined Christina and Al who were ahead of us. He seemed to understand and gave my arm a squeeze but his look of pity didn't leave his face.

I tried to shake the memory of Will's face from my mind and the memory of how I got those scars. It was easier once we got in the parlor. I started to feel a buzzing in my skin and an excitement in my soul. Tattoos serve no real purpose, it'll be a sign I truly left my selfless past.

Christina got tribal marks on her back, Will got a pyramid on the inside of his bicep, Al the Dauntless symbol on his shoulder blade and I got a raven right below my collar bone.

The second night was easier to sleep, we were all closer as a group and I didn't feel so alone.

The next day I dressed in my new clothes, form fitting leggings and a top that slouched off one shoulder revealing my tattoo. I looked in the mirror, something I never could do back in Abnegation. My clothing hugged my curves but instead of shying away I stood up taller. I recognized the fact that I looked good, I was allowed to look good. I was allowed to have a body. Nothing was going to happen just because I wore these clothes.

I was tying my tennis shoes when Four walked it. I smiled at him, I felt ready for today. He returned my smile with a half of one; I think it was the best his controlled manner could offer.

"Up!" he shouted. "Five minutes. Pit."

I followed him out, like the day before—the day before, it felt like a lifetime ago.

"You seem different." Four said.

"I'm trying to be," I responded, my voice was still quiet but I maintained eye contact.

"Well," he said after a moment, "don't loose yourself entirely."

He took a quick step away from me because at the moment Eric walked into the pit. His eyes looked me up and down and a smirk met his lips. He stalked over to me. Once he was less than a foot away from me, he loomed over me, almost a head taller than me. I met his eyes but couldn't hold my gaze as long as I did with Four. Eric's stare wasn't as safe as Four's. He chuckled. His fingers grazed my tattoo.

"Good changes Stiff." He said just before walking over to Four.

The first part of our training today was about endurance. We were to go on a multi-mile run through the city. Eric and Four lead the group down the streets, between tall buildings, through masses of people in other factions living their normal lives. It was hard for me to keep up, my stride was shorter than the others but I enjoyed the challenge.

We made to the Factionless section of the city. My pulse increased, not because of the running but because I spent a lot in my past life helping those who lived here. As a _Stiff_ I brought food, clothing and blankets to those who didn't make it in a faction. Often I even came to sing to them, to help boost their spirits and create hope.

Eric and Four stopped us for a short break.

"Stretch out, drink water, we have a ways to go," Four told us.

I touched my toes, stretched my hamstrings and bent backwards. I could hear Will and Christina flirting back and forth, and it brought a smile to my face. My muscles ached and it felt good. I was so wrapped up in the moment that I didn't see a factionless woman walk up to me.

When she was a few feet away from me, I finally saw her and stepped back out of shock. My arm hit Fours, he had noticed the woman and was checking out the situation.

"I miss seeing your face," the woman said to me. "But I'm happy you escaped him."

She took a step forward, not phased by Four's looming presence. I recognized the woman as someone I fed often and sang to. I was shocked that she had known my secret. It must have been apparent in my face because she said, "Yes, of course I knew what he did to you. I may not have a home but I do have eyes. The first time I saw you with him, I could tell you were afraid, you flinched at his touch. I followed you home that night because I saw the fire in your soul slowly extinguishing. I heard it all that night. I cried for you."

My eyes were wide; afraid she was going to spill all my secrets. I could smell her body odor from how close she got. Four positioned half of his body between the woman and me so I could still see her but I was protected.

"But you escaped," she continued, "You're free. I can see your fire once more. Will you sing one last song?"

Four looked at me with a confused expression.

"I used to sing to the Fractionless to give them hope," I said once I found my voice.

I looked to him to see if I should sing but my answer came from Eric, "Well lets hear a song then, Stiff."

My voice started of quiet but I gathered my strength:

_I can hold my breath  
><em>_I can bite my tongue  
><em>_I can stay awake for days  
><em>_If that's what you want  
><em>_Be your number one_

I took a deep breath and let the sun shine down on me, heating my skin and soothing my soul. I continued:

_I can fake a smile  
><em>_I can force a laugh  
><em>_I can dance and play the part  
><em>_If that's what you ask  
><em>_Give you all I am_

My eyes met the woman's. The only noise was my voice.

_I can do it  
><em>_I can do it  
><em>_I can do it_

_But I'm only human  
><em>_And I bleed when I fall down  
><em>_I'm only human  
><em>_And I crash and I break down  
><em>_Your words in my head, knives in my heart  
><em>_You build me up and then I fall apart  
><em>_'Cause I'm only human_

When I finished the woman was crying. "I'll miss you," she said and walked away. I loved singing but it didn't feel very Dauntless thing to do. I realized, I missed helping others. My choice to leave is not only testing my strength but causing me a bit of guilt- there was a lot of sacrifices to make.

Four turned and stared at me. "Let's get going," he said to the group while his deep eyes bored into my soul.

On the run back to the compound Will stayed by my side. He knew the most about my past, I'm sure he was starting to put the pieces together. I just hoped he didn't start asking questions.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello, I've been asked if this will be a Eric or Tobias romance. Anna will have encounters with both of them. As she grows into a strong woman, I hope she makes the healthy choice to be with Tobias and not Eric, but I haven't decided yet. I hope you enjoy it!**

* * *

><p>Once we are back from our run, it's lunch and then our first fights. In the training room I stand next to Christina stretching out my muscles.<p>

"It's nonstop here," Christina complains.

"I know," I say "But it's making us stronger. I think if I had a chance to catch my breath I'd realize how crazy the Dauntless really are."

We both laughed because it was true, just think about all the things we already did: we climbed train tracks, jump on and off moving trains, jumped onto building rooftops, shot guns, learned how to fight, ran 10 miles and it wasn't stopping. It's empowering. I felt that I have grown so strong in just a few days. The best part was Christina. I knew there were dangers to making friends with those whom I competed against, but she helped me feel like I belong.

Eric's booming voice silenced our laughter, "I hope you all learned a lot from yesterday's training. Don't think that today is a warm up. You will be graded on this fight. Being apart of Dauntless means you are always ready for a new challenge."

His eyes scrutinized the group; he didn't hide his dissatisfaction. I had been trying to hide behind Al but Eric's eyes caught me. "Stiff, in the ring."

My body shook with fear but I didn't hesitate to follow orders. I stepped up to the platform where the fights would take place. As I waited for him to pick my opponent, I tied my hair back while reviewing the different punches we learned the day before. I thought of what the Factionless woman said about having a fire within me. I needed to find it now if I wanted to have a chance in this fight.

Molly, a Candor born initiate whom resembled a bull with her solid strength, stood in front of me ready to fight. Her angry stare gave me an empty feeling. I raised my fists as she advanced me. I couldn't hear anything, I couldn't see anything besides her, and I could barely feel my arms.

She threw the first punch; I was able to dodge it. She threw the second, and again I maneuvered away. Her third attempt hit my jaw. I was stunned for a second; the physical pain seemed to awaken me. The last time someone had hurt me I just cried in the corner, but now I was going to fight. I knew I may not win but I was worth fighting for.

When she went to strike me again, I ducked and used the moment to jab my elbow into her stomach. She grunted in pain. I didn't waste time; I hit her in the face and then tripped her to the ground. I don't think my strikes hurt her much but falling on her bottom in front of the group made her furious. She shouted as she jumped up, I saw her fist going for my face and everything went black.

I woke up in the infirmary with a few of the other initiates that took a beating. I was surprised to see Four walking up and down the initiate filled beds checking to make sure their wounds were attended to.

I sat up looking over my body. It looked like I had a few major bruises on my torso and face but overall I didn't seem to have any major damage. Four walked over to me as I inspected my bruises.

"How do you feel?" He asked.

"Not too bad," I said and without thinking I added, "I've had worse."

"Did you get into a lot of fights with other Stiffs?" He looked at me puzzled.

"Fights would mean I fought back," I said carefully in hopes he would assume I got bullied at school. Unfortunately it looked like he wanted to ask more questions so I quickly asked one of my own, "Was my concussion serious?"

"No."

"Oh, great! So I can head out then?" Although I'd love to stare at his hauntingly endless eyes all day, I didn't want to share about myself.

With his arms crossed his muscles bulged. His face looked stern. I think he wanted to know more about me but couldn't find the right words. I took a beating pretty better than the others, I could hear a few of the others moaning about this pain or that. But I wasn't built strong like they were, I was soft. From the look in his eyes I could tell I was a puzzle he was going to try put together.

I had questions about him too, but as his student I had no right to ask them. If I learned one thing in Abnegation it was keeping my inquires to myself. Asking people questions only lead to punishment and I didn't need anymore of that.

Four didn't seem like a normal Dauntless. I had a feeling he was a transfer. He held all the qualities of Dauntless: strong, fierce, capable, and what seems like an unwritten rule, attractive. But there was more to him, he wasn't a mindless drone, when he looked at me, it was at me, not through me. He had softness under his thick layer of authority and muscle. I was curious but smart. I left the room as soon as he allowed.

I found Christina, Will and Al in the dinning hall—each had won their fight. I sat down next to Al and he smiled at me. "You made it out!" he said putting his arm around me.

"I did, with just a few bruises." I smiled shrugging his arm off my shoulders but that only made him touch my chin, examining the purple mark. His hands were gentle but I pulled away.

We were walking through the pit on our way to our room; exhausted from our run and fighting when Eric called to me: "Stiff." He had a bottle of something in his hand and a glazed look in his eyes- he was drunk. Sober Eric made me nervous; I wasn't ready for a drunk one. I looked to my friends, they stopped walking but weren't about to follow me to Eric.

Once I got a few feet away from him and his friends I stopped. I looked up from the ground and crossed my arms in front of me to protect myself. "Hi," I said while looking at him and quickly glancing around to his friends.

He strode the last few feet between us and grabbed my chin, just like Al had only five minutes before.

"You look good in bruises," he said suggestively. His friends laughed. He stepped back to them and I turned away quickly back to my friends. This time when Al draped his arm around me I let it stay there.

The next day Al was pinned up against Edward, the best fighter in class. Al was big but he was slow and didn't really have the heart for fighting. I cringed when they both got up to the platform. Eric had a vicious but excited look in his eye like a vulture waiting for its prey to die. I was worried for Al.

Eric stalked over to me and whispered, "It's pathetic how he stares at you."

"What?" I whispered back slightly panicked.

"The little puppy dog, Al, needs to toughen up, stop protecting the weak like you because he has a little crush."

His words confused me, I had a feeling that Al may have a thing for me but what is that any of Eric's business? Why does it matter?

"What does his feelings have to do with this unfair match?" I asked as the match started.

Eric didn't respond right away, Edward breaking Al's nose distracted him—there was an audible cracking noise. He chuckled.

"Well, Al doesn't know this but this is a lesson. I don't like people touching things I want to touch."

A shiver ran down my spin and I turned my face away from the match. Al had already lost so much blood, it was making me sick and Eric said it was entirely, my fault. I felt like crying, like throwing up.

Eric grabbed the back of my neck. His hand was so big that it fit all the way around my neck and his fingers could meet just under my chin. He forced my face back to the match and kept it there until Al was unconscious in a pool of his own blood.

I couldn't breathe. Tears started to fill my eyes. I had to look away from Al. Although my face was still being point in his direction, I forced my eyes past him to the opposite side of the room. Four was standing staring right at me. His distant eyes reminded me, I couldn't let Eric win. I can't cry.

Once he finally let go, I walked away from Eric and helped the other's get Al up. After all was in the infirmary and the blood was cleaned off the mat, it was my turn to fight. I was no longer sad but angry. Drew, a boy bigger and strong than me, stood no chance. Each time I was hit, I just imagined my friend Al laying on the ground and got up. I won.


	5. Chapter 5

_I just finished making dinner as he walked through the door. I was so grateful to have a place to stay now that my family had disappeared and assumed dead. All I wished for was to do everything perfect as not to be a burden. He didn't need to take me in, he was being selfless, a true Abnegation. _

_He smiled when he walked in the kitchen and saw everything was prepared. It warmed me to know I pleased him. _

_"If you want to sit down, I'll bring your plate to the table," I said humbly. _

_It was the third week I had been staying there and it seemed to be a perfect situation for the both of us. His son had transferred factions, leaving him alone and my family vanished, leaving me alone. After school I would go to the Factionless section of the city to care for and feed them, then come back and feed him. Each day he would go to work, as one of the city's leaders he had a lot of stress, and afterwards he won't have to do anything else because I already took care of it._

_Once I brought our plates to the table, we sat down and prayed. This wasn't something that I did with my family, but if it made him happy I'd do it. Quietly, we started eating. After a few moments of silenced I spoke, "Did you have a nice day at work?" _

_"Not particularly," he said, his voice tensed. "We're having problems with Erudite." _

_I nodded as a response, suggesting he could continue if he wanted. _

_"They are manipulating everything to make us look bad. It's disgraceful to be so dishonest."_

_I raised my eyes to meet his; they were looking directly at me. Again, I nodded. _

_He continued to talk throughout the meal about the unfair accusations that were being told. He started to get very heated; I shrunk back just a little in my chair because the deranged look in his eyes scared me. _

_"Jeannine is a foolish woman who doesn't know her place," he said slamming his hand on the table. "A woman should not take on a role of leadership, she should be submissive and selfless. Don't you agree?"_

_I was shocked he asked me a direct question. "Well, in their faction isn't it about who holds the most knowledge not their gender?" The answer popped out of me before I even thought about what I said. _

_Fury ignited in his eyes. In one swift movement he knocked everything of the table. The plates shattered on the floor, the utensils clanked together and food sprayed on the wall. He stood up and walked over to me. He towered over my 14 almost 15 year old frame. _

_Before I knew it I was on the ground, my check stinging. He hit me. This is the first time I've ever been hit in my life, and it hurt. Tears glided down my face._

_"You stupid little girl," he scolded as he moved his leg to kick me. _

_By the end of it, I could barely breathe. My body was bruised, my self-confidence eliminated._

_"That was for your own good," he spat. "Now clean up this mess." _

_And I did._

I awoke with a name on my lips and tears in my eyes. "Marcus," I whispered. I thought I had escaped his abuse but now it just haunts my nightmares. But a nightmare wasn't the right word, these dreams weren't fiction, they were memories.

I looked at the clock. I had two hours until training started but there was no way that I would be able to fall back asleep without seeing his face. Quietly I got changed and left the room to get an extra workout in.

The compound as silent, it seemed that I was the only one awake. It made me feel calm; it reminded me of home, but the good times, not the chaos that I dreamt of. I walked into the training room and started to stretch out my limbs. His face was slowly fading from my mind.

I started with jumping jacks, push-ups, sit-ups, squats and lunges. I didn't know much about exercise but I figured something is better than nothing. After forty minutes, I felt better but still shaken from my memories. I started doing suicides. I increased my speed each time I touched the line, trying to continually beat my time from one side of the room to the next. I was so focused; my mind was blank of anything but my movements.

Finally, I stumbled over my feet and fell to the ground. Instead of getting up, I just rolled over on my back and laughed at myself. I literally ran myself into the ground before training even started for the day.

There was a hand near my face offering to help me up. I took it and saw it was Four.

"I woke the initiates us and saw you were missing," he said. "How long have you been here?"

"Uh, maybe about an hour and half," I said looking up at him. He towered over me but it wasn't threatening like Marcus or Eric. His tanned skin reminded me of the sun and it looked warm. Today, as usual, he had on a black shirt and pants, both fitted and highlighting his muscles. Looking at him my stomach did flips, not out of nerves but excitement. He was looking at me, at _me_, and I wasn't scared, I was looking back.

"Could you not sleep?" His questions were always direct. His language like himself was strong.

I shook my head in response.

"I hope it has nothing to do with your friend getting beat yesterday," He said and paused. "I saw Eric forcing you to watch."

His words just hung in the air. I didn't know how to respond, my nightmare wasn't about Eric or Al but it would be a lie to say it didn't have something to do with my dream. Every time Eric touched me, it felt like Marcus was touching me.

"There's nothing really I can do," Four continued when I didn't say anything. "But I can try to keep him busy during training. I don't know why he choose you to torment."

"Maybe he sees weakness in me," I said.

"Or maybe he sees beauty," Four whispered as the other initiates started trickling in. It made me catch my breath but he didn't notice because he walked away immediately. Did Four just call me beautiful? I glanced at him, his back was to me, and he couldn't see me making it was safe for me to smile. My body tingled with happiness. I know he didn't call me beautiful directly but it made me feel good, strong, and whole.

"Why are you so happy?" Asked Christina.

"What?" I said to her. "I'm no more happy than usual."

She eyed me, "Right, I don't believe you."

I didn't want to tell her about Four, because I knew it wasn't actually a big deal, he didn't really say anything, besides, he was our instructor. I had to get the topic of conversation off of me. I bumped her shoulder with mine and giggled. "Maybe I am happy because my two best friends are crushing on each other and it's adorable."

She went red but smiled, "What are you talking about?"

I bit my lip and looked at Will who was yawning across the room, "You know what I'm talking about."

We both quietly giggled.

There were no fights scheduled, instead, we were to do more work with guns. We practiced first on moving targets and then while **we** were on the move. It was a lot of fun and the whole group was doing well. Instead of an array of competing individuals, we were laughing and working as a group. Our spirits were higher than they have ever been since arriving to Dauntless; I think it was due to the fact that Eric was missing.

Four dismissed us for lunch. As I was walking out with Christina, Will and Al I looked at Four. He was cleaning a gun but looked up to see me staring. I smiled, a bit embarrassed to be caught looking but to my surprise, he smiled back causing my inner goddess to leap with joy.

The group's good mood ended after lunch when we were once again graced by Eric's presence. I stood close to my friends hoping to remain invisible. His words yesterday still rang in my ears, _I don't like people touching things I want to touch_. A shiver ran down my spin, he couldn't have actually meant that right? He didn't actually want to touch me, just scare me, I told myself.

After a quick demonstration on the proper technique of throwing knifes they unleashed us to practice on our targets. On one side of me was Will, the other Al; I looked at them gratefully because they didn't leave me alone.

Just like when we first started shooting, I got acquainted with the knives, felt their weight practiced the throwing motion. When I felt comfortable actually threw one. My first attempt didn't stick, just flopped on the ground. My arms were soar from holding a gun all day but I knew I had to work through it and put more strength in my throw. My throws were becoming more accurate but they weren't sticking. The noise of my falling knives caught Eric's attention.

"You're stance is wrong and you're letting go of the knife at the wrong time causing it to spin," he said.

I nodded and adjusted thinking he might just keep walking but then I felt hands on my hips. "Like this," he said in my ear. Will turned his head slightly to see what was going on. My eyes were wide and he looked like he wanted to say something but was smart enough not to. Eric then slid his hand up my hip, my side and my arm to my hand. It made me shiver and I was embarrassed not because I knew he felt it but because I thought his touch felt nice. It sped my heart and tightened my stomach. He adjusted my grip. "That feels better doesn't it?" he asked to my ear. I couldn't speak but just nodded.

He stood back giving me space to throw—it stuck. I tried another, and again and again my knives stuck dead center.

With my checks still flushed from the contact I looked over my shoulder to him. "Thanks," my voice cracked. He laughed and I had a dreadful feeling he knew the way his touch affected me.

Al looked furious and threw his knife at the target, just like the rest of his, it didn't stick.

"What was that initiate?" Eric spat.

"It slipped." Al said.

"It slipped?" Eric repeated. "Well go get it then."

"Now, while they are throwing?" asked a shocked Al.

"Yeah, while they are throwing," challenged Eric. "What are you scared?"

"Of getting his with an airborne knife? Yes," responded Al.

"Four come help me out," Eric shouted across the room. "Everyone stop what they are doing." He put his hand on Al's chest and pushed him back to the target. Al was taller than Eric but Eric was definitely stronger.

"You are going to stand here while Four throw's knives at you. If you flinch, you're out." Said Eric.

All good feelings that once ran through my skin were gone. I hated Eric again. Why would he help me but punish Al? What kind of instructor was he?

Four lined up in front of the target, flipping a knife casually, he obviously was excellent at handling a knife but Al still looked terrified. I was afraid he'd flinch, no in fact, I knew he would. Before thinking I heard my voice, "Stop."

Four turned to me and if his eyes could throw daggers I'd be dead.

"What was that Stiff?" spat Eric.

"You making him do this doesn't prove anything, just that you're bullying him." My voice was strong but I didn't feel strong.

"Then you should be able to switch places with him and if you flinch, you're both out."

I walked up to Al and touched his arm. "It's okay," I whispered and swapped places with him.

My head wasn't tall enough to even hit the center of the target. I stood forward looking directly at Four's eyes. He wasn't going to hurt me, I said to myself. He wasn't going to make a mistake, he was too good. I trusted him.

He let go of the first knife. I watched it soar right at me but I kept myself planted. It landed half an inch from my right hip. I took a deep breath and waited for the next one. It landed just above my head. Only two more to go, I told myself. The next one was to the left of my head, if I had shifted just the smallest fraction to the left, it would have hit me. Before I had time to process that, he threw the last one, it scratched the left side of my neck. I was bleeding but alive and still in Dauntless.

"Dismissed," said Eric as he was walking out of the room.

I stepped away from the target and put my hand to my neck. Al tried to walk towards me but Four stopped him and told them all to leave. Once it was just Four and I in the room he walked up to me, gently put one hand on the back of my head and used the other to move the hand that covered my wound.

He was inches away from my face. I could smell his soap, it was intoxicating. I could see every vein in his neck; it made my stomach tighten. I internally scolded myself. Why was I feeling this way, he just cut me.

"It's just a scratch, the bleedings already stopped," he said interrupting my internal battle. His eyes went from my neck to my eyes. We were still only inches away, I couldn't move back because his hands were still holding me in place. "Why did you do that? I can't protect you from him if you talk back to him." His voice was soft but angry.

"Because, in Dauntless we believe in small acts of bravery," I said quietly.

And he smiled.


	6. Chapter 6

There was barely any air between Four and I. His rough hands were still tenderly touching my hand and neck. My eyes drifted to his lips, and then quickly back to his eyes. Why? I asked myself, why did I have such little control? There was no way he missed me gazing at his soft, kissable lips. Humiliation started to seep into my soul. He was my instructor, there is no way he felt anything for my small worthless self. I've heard my worth dismantled enough times to know what I have to offer to the world and it didn't seem like much.

I tore my gaze from his face, looking anywhere but at him. The longer I felt his wonderfully strong hands on me, the more confused I felt. The more I was lost in my head, the more I thought about the ridiculousness of me ever thinking he may like me, and the more heated my face felt. Then he released me, and took a few steps back. I felt rejected, but that was silly, there had been no exchange.

"Anna," He started to say in a stern voice.

I had to get out of that room. I had to leave before the tears of frustration fell. How did I move from feeling infinitely strong for standing up for a friend to hopeless so fast?

Without listening to what he was going to say next, I picked up my feet and almost ran out of the room. I soon found myself huddled in a ball, down a corridor of Dauntless I never seen and tears wetting my face. I hated this. Was I always going to fall to pieces because of men? Did a man that was supposed to protect me after I found my family gone ruin me forever? Were the beatings, the words and the _other_ stuff going to live on with me forever? I thought I was going to be free in Dauntless.

After about an hour of self-pity I reminded myself of Christina, Will and Al. My life, however filled with darkness has a few rays of sunshine. My friends, they can add lightness to my heart, almost allowing me to forget the abandonment and abuse of my past.

I found my way to the pit and found my home, my friends.

I quietly sat down next to Christina. We were sitting in a corner of the pit unnoticed by the Dauntless members that were fighting, laughing, drinking and playing music. I could hear the water rushing through the chasm. Everything around me was moving, continuous and loud. I knew I was in the right place; here I couldn't be frozen with fear but always had to be moving, progressing.

I went to bed, knowing I made the right choice to transfer here but still feeling broken. It's the only way I could describe it. I belonged at Dauntless but I didn't fit in. I was attracted to my instructor but the feelings weren't reciprocated. A Dauntless leader had his vicious eye on me, something that should worry me but honestly, part of me like it, a part of me that I absolutely hated.

I fell asleep conflicted with self-doubt and another nightmare, or memory, overcame my consciousness.

_I was walking back to from the Factionless sector with Robert, a neighbor. We chatted quietly and walked slowly. It had been a very nice day; we had helped some children get cleaned up and fed. When we were outside Marcus's home Robert grabbed my hand, only for a moment but it filled my soul with warmth. We smiled at each other and I turned away from him to go inside. _

_Standing at the door, staring at us was Marcus with a truly evil look on his face. I hesitated to keep walking forward but I knew running would only make the situation worse. I walked with my eyes to the ground. He slammed the door and locked it. _

_"You stupid girl." He spat at me. "What do you think you were doing? How could you let him touch you? I didn't realize fifteen was now old enough to want things like that." _

_My back was to him but I knew what he was doing, I could here the metal of his belt being unhinged. With a cracking sound I felt the belt lash my back. I cried out in pain and tried to run into the kitchen like a fool. He grabbed my wrist and threw me into the corner of the room. I was huddled up in a ball crying about the humiliation and pain. _

_After a few lashes he spoke, "Take your dress off."_

_It felt like there was no air in the room. I tried and tried again to breathe but my lungs weren't being relieved. Take my dress off? I turned my face from the wall to look at him. "W-what?" I asked. _

_"You heard me," he said whipping the belt against me again. The tip of the belt hit my face causing my check to bleed. "Now," he didn't yell, his voice was calm. _

_I did as he asked. I didn't know what to do. Even if I could get out of the house where would I go? I was entirely alone in the world. _

_I stood in front of him with only my underwear and bra on. I hid my face in the corner unable to meet his eye. He lifted the belt up again, again and again. Without clothing to protect my back, my skin was broken and bleeding. _

_There was a moment of silence, no more whipping, and no more angry words. I was shaking, too afraid to look back at him. In the silence I heard a faint noise…a zipper? My eyes opened wide. I glance back, and saw he was removing his pants. I made a run for it, I had to. _

_I didn't make it out of the house. _

_"You need to know your place," he said while pinning me down. "If you want people to touch you, it's going to be me. This will help you remember that, this is for your own good."_

_I could feel his hands on my skin. I could see a mixture of anger and desire in his eyes. I started screaming and fighting, it didn't make a difference but I never stopped fighting him. _

In the midst of might nightmare I was woken be Four and Eric.

"Initiates, get ready," shouted Eric. "Be at the train track in ten minutes."

I was happy that my most terrifying nightmare was interrupted but embarrassed when I saw Four staring at the tears that were running down my face. I wiped away my tears with haste, grabbed my clothes and dashed for the restroom. Five minutes later Christina, Will, Al and I were all at the train tracks.

"Tonight, you get to experience one of Dauntless' favorite events, capture the flag," Four told the group. "We will split up into two teams. Each time has a flag they must protect. Whichever team gets the opposing team's flag first, wins. It's easy enough." He and Eric started to hand out guns. "When his with one of these guns, your body will feel like it was shot but no actually injury will exist."

Once the guns were handed out, I realized that the group was larger than normal. It wasn't just the transfers here but the Dauntless born initiates as well. I looked at them, they all looked so carefree. I can't image growing up in Dauntless was easy but you were probably allowed to fight every problem you had.

The train started to approach. "Let's go," Eric said grinning.

The group ran as one along side the train. I jumped into the train a bit awkwardly and tumbled into someone, a Dauntless born boy with dark skin, short hair and warm eyes.

"Oh, whoa," he said. "Easy does it." He laughed while putting his hands on my shoulders to steady me. I flushed with embarrassment.

"Thanks you," I said as I tried to walk to the opposite side of the cart. I looked back; the boy I ran into was following me.

"I'm Uriah," He said.

"Nice to meet you, I'm Anna," I said back.

"So polite, are you sure you're still not a stiff?" He asked jokingly.

"How did you know where I transferred from?" I asked accusingly.

"You're the first jumper," He said. "It's hard to forget the first jumper."

His smile was contagious. My spirits started to raise a fraction because of it.

A hand landed on my shoulder and a booming voice next to me interrupted my conversation with Uriah. "Four and I will be captains," Eric said. He smiled down at me, "Are you ready to have some fun, Stiff?"

Before I could answer, Four spoke sounding bored, "You can pick first."

"Okay then," Eric said raising his eyebrows, "Edward."

"I'll take the Stiff," responded Four.

Eric's hand tightened on my shoulder making me wince. After a very awkward moment he pushed me forward to Four's side. Five minutes later the teams were divided. All of my friends, even my new one Uriah, were on Four's team besides Al. He gave us a morose look as we jumped off the train.

Listening and working together are not common Dauntless traits. The noise the group was creating was enough to make us to be found before we even were able to hide the flag. I realized quickly that we could end up arguing all night and decided to take action. I looked around and saw the Ferris Wheel, perfect. It would give me more than enough height for a new perspective.

Quietly, I left the group to their arguments and started for the Ferris Wheel. Just as I started climbing I heard a voice behind me, "You aren't going to jump are you?"

I turned and looked down at Four. "No," I said rolling my eyes. "I just want to get higher in hopes of seeing where the other team is."

"Good idea," he said with a nod. "I'll come with you."

"You don't have to," I said I climbed but I secretly hoped he follow.

Within moments he was right below me, he moved so quick. We were quiet most of the climb, just listening to the movements of our feet on the metal ladder and whistling breeze through the trees. Once we got as high as the ladder went, I grabbed a hold of the rails that connected the spokes of the Wheel to pull myself higher.

"This is high enough," Four said.

"No," I responded quickly and breathlessly. "Just a little further."

I could hear him grunt in disapproval making me look over my shoulder at him. His forehead was wrinkled and his chest was rising and falling quickly. Was he afraid?

"Are you afraid of heights?" the question popped out.

"We're all afraid of something," he said.

I stopped climbing once I could see around all the trees. Each of my legs were resting on different poles, I glanced down and started laughing because we were so high up. I stretched my arm down and guided Four up- not that he really needed help. He stood directly behind me, each of his legs on the same rods as mine. Each time he breathed in I could feel his chest on my back.

The city was beautiful from above. We took a moment to admire it. And then I saw it, a bright green flag hanging in a tree. I tilted my head up to see Four and pointed. He grinned and nodded that he too saw it. Quickly we climbed down. Four, being faster than me was on the ground while I was still at least ten feet up the ladder. Filled with excitement I tried to hurry more which caused me to loose my footing and fall. I didn't scream because it happened so fast and before I had time to think about hitting the ground, I was in his arms. He caught me.

"Thank you," I said as I exhaled loudly.

"Of course Anna," Four whispered softly. " I wouldn't let you get hurt."

I was staring up into his eyes and he was looking back at mine. My heart swelled again. I didn't care if he didn't like, I was enjoying this. His arms firmly held me but when we heard a rustling the bushed he dropped me on my feet and took a step back. It was just the wind but it reminded us we had a mission to complete.

We found the group again and made a plan of attack. I was in the group designated to retrieve the flag. It took us about ten minutes to get close to the other group, from there we split up. I went around the far side with my small group where we wouldn't be detected. I could see the glow of the flag about forty feet ahead of us. I just wanted to sprint for it but I restrained myself.

We heard the war cries of our team as the attached Eric's team head on. From afar I saw members of Eric's team leave their posts around the flag. I looked at Christina; we both smiled and ran for the flag. Winning the game distracted me from the nightmare I had earlier. With Christina and I holding the flag above our heads, I laughed feeling infinite and free.


	7. Chapter 7

Our high from winning capture the flag didn't last long because the next day was our last fights. As I had only won one fight, my stomach was squirming and my hands shaking. We stood anxiously waiting for the instructors to enter the training room. I looked at all the faces of the other initiates, I didn't like many of them, but it was unfathomable that in just one day some of us would be Factionless.

Four and Eric walk in, Eric looking smug and Four furious. How ironic, one would think Eric would be moody for loosing at the game just the night before. My squirmy stomach dropped, Eric must be up to something devious to look so pleased.

"First fight," said Eric almost singing, "Ana and Peter."

Peter may have been only the second best fighter in the class, he definitely fought the dirtiest and was the most cut throat. I tired to keep my hands still as I walked up to the ring. I beat Drew, I told myself. I found the flag. I made the plan. I stood tall and brave while knives were being thrown at me. I've jump on and off trains. I was the best shot in class. I did fair at throwing knives. I've made friends. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

Just as I pumped myself up for the fight Peter's voice sounded, "Don't worry little girl, it'll be over quick." We started circling each other waiting for the first move. I was looking for any weakness he may have, but he seemed more content on verbally abusing me to. "I don't know who you think you are, Stiff. You walk around here like it's your home but you still sing to the Factionless. You talk back. You're weak. You need to learn your place."

I couldn't wait any longer I attacked, I faked a punch which he fell for allowing me kick his legs out from under him. Before he could get off his back I straddled him and hit him square in the jaw. Unfortunately, my hit wasn't very strong because it barely fazed him. He grabbed me and threw me off him. I took no time to get up.

"You need to learn your place," he repeated. "This will help you remember how insignificant you are. _This is for your own good_."

His last words enlisted fear in my soul. My arms that were up protecting my torso and face fell. I took a step back. My eyes glistened with surprise, how could he, how could he know? Was it just a coincidence? Those were Marcus's words and they shut me down.

I don't remember the rest of the fight because I woke up in the infirmary six hours later with tears in my eyes. I lost. I lost two out of my three fights. Was I going to be Factionless? Was I going to be abandoned and alone once more? I walked out of the infirmary and straight into Four.

"Oh my," I said. "I am sorry."

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"Sure," I said not looking at his face. I was humiliated that Peter's words affected me as significantly as they did. Not that anyone knew it, but the moment I heard "this is for your own good", all I could see, all I could feel, was Marcus. I was afraid. I was a child. I had no motivation to fight back because it reminded me of every touch and word I ever heard from him.

"What happened during the fight, Ana?" Four's voice was soft.

"Something he said reminded me of," I said, my voice trailing off and my eyes avoiding him at all cost.

"Of?" he asked.

I started to walk away; I didn't want to talk about this stuff. I didn't want to look into his face knowing the truth would bubble out of my lips.

"Ana, wait," he said as he grabbed my arm. His touch kept my still with its gentle and calming warmth.

"It reminded me of my biggest fears," I said.

Lost in my own head I went to sleep that night unsure if my skills with a knife and gun were enough to keep me here. I was lost in a sea of memories and fears. I knew this uneasiness could only lead my unconscious thoughts to terror. In midst of a nightmare involving Marcus, I heard a scream. At first I thought it was my own inside my dream but it didn't stop when I opened my eyes.

It was dark, making it difficult to understand what was going on but I could hear the commotion and fear. I didn't get out of bed, frozen with uncertainty. I pushed myself to the far corner of the bed, protecting myself with the sheet. Finally, someone made it to the light. Edward, the initiate who showed the most potential let down his strong persona and was screaming. Someone had stabbed him the eye with a butter knife, it protruded ominously from his face.

"Get it out!" He shouted.

No one moved to his side for the shocking image took a minute to process. Once I realized that he was about to pull the knife out himself, I flew to his side. I put my knees on his arms to keep him from touching the knife and grabbed his face with my hands to keep him still.

"We can't take it out," I said, attempting to sound soothing but I had never seen anything like this before. "I think a doctor needs to do it. Just relax, try not to move. I don't want the knife to move around in your eye." I looked into his good eye, the one that didn't have a dinner utensil in it. I could see the fear emitting from his soul. "It'll be okay." I said softly. "It'll be okay." His muscles started to relax.

I probably only comforted him for a few moments but it felt like an eternity before Four was in the room. His eyes widened when seeing Edward.

"Edward," I said still looking at his good eye. "I'm going to get off you so Four can help. Try not to move too much, okay?"

"Thank you, Ana," his voice was barely audible.

"You are going to be okay," I said one more time before getting up. I didn't waste anytime. Before Four was able to get Edward off the ground I had a bucket of water and vinegar ready to clean the blood. As I scrubbed the ground, tears fell from my eyes. Al came up to me, put a hand on my back for a moment and picked up a sponge to help me.

We didn't need Four to wake us up today because we had spent the next couple of hours restlessly trying to forget what we saw. We walked to the training room to see our ranks silently. I held hands with Al and Christina. I didn't want to leave. I didn't want Al, Will or Christina to leave.

And we didn't, we made the cut.

We had the day off from training but none of us really felt like celebrating. A cold chill followed me all day and I had to keep reminding myself to be happy, I'm still Dauntless.

The following day we were starting stage two of training, it was supposed to test responses to our fears through a simulation. I assumed that meant I would see Marcus. The thought kept me up most of the night. Before anyone else was awake, I went to shower. I always was the first one awake and in the shower, part because of my nightmares waking me and another part because I didn't want anyone to see me in the shower. It might be Abnegation of me, but I didn't want any unwanted eyes on me.

I turned the shower on as hot as it could go. I wanted to wash the tension away from my muscles. I tried to tell myself that the simulation would be like dreams, I would wake up safe and who knew, maybe it wouldn't be there Marcus today. I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that I didn't know someone was next to me until they turned the adjacent shower on. I jumped at the sound of the water and saw it was Peter.

His eyes scanned my naked body greedily. I tried to hide myself with my arms and turned away from him. I heard him take a quick breath. "Those aren't from training," he said in a soft voice, allowing his fingers to graze my back. I jumped even higher than when he turned the shower on. Loosing his gentle voice and returning to his cruel self, he challenged: "Did you're parents beat you like Marcus Eaton did his son?"

"No," I said. My face was red, not because of the scalding shower but because I was humiliated- he saw my body and my scars, those things were private. I turned the shower off, looked back at him seeing him smirking, and then I ran out of the bathroom. Once dressed I sat waiting on my bed for Four's wake up call.

"Up, five minutes," he shouted.

I followed Four out the door, not wanting to see Peter's face any longer. As we walked down the hall I wrapped myself in my arms, anxiously bit my lip and avoided Four's quizzical stare.

"Are you nervous for today?" he broke the silence.

"Yes and no," I said. "I think I already know what I am going to see."

"In the second stage you only see one fear in each stimulation. Today you could experience any of them," he stated.

"I know," I said. "I just feel like I've experienced a lot of my fears already in life." I paused thinking about my experiences, how I never overcame them and how they still dictate my life. Even this morning in the showers, I shouldn't have felt ashamed of my scars, I didn't ask to be beaten. I wondered how to change my thoughts for a healthier mindset. Maybe I would be able to stand up to Marcus in the simulations, maybe it will actually help me. "What are we supposed to do in the simulations?" I asked looking up at him for the first time today. "Are we supposed to fight our fears or calm down or just experience it in full?"

"Well, you want to either calm down to no longer feel the fear or use your surroundings to overcome the fear. For example, if you are drowning, you could either relax or swim deeper."

I nodded at him, "Thanks." I enjoyed out little one-on-one chats in the morning. I know that sounded pathetic because we don't really talk about anything but I feel safe with Four.

As the initiates started to trickle in, Four and I talk quietly about Edward getting stabbed and how I helped him.

"You can handle a crisis well," He said.

"I'm not sure if I acted very Dauntless," I responded. "I comforted him, I was gentle, and for what? He left us to be Factionless."

"You were the only one brave enough to go near him, that is Dauntless," Four reminded me.

I nodded at him. I looked around to realize that everyone was here, transfers and Dauntless born initiates. Four stopped our conversation to start training. I gave him an awkward wave and stood next to Christina who raised her eyebrows suggestively. I responded by rolling my eyes.

One by one everyone entered a small room at the end of the hall. We could hear the other initiate's cries and screams while they were under the simulation. It was dreadful. About halfway through Uriah, a Dauntless born that was on my capture the flag team, came to sit by me.

"First jumper, don't look so worried, you're plenty brave," he said with a smile. Everything about Uriah screamed warmth- his smile, eyes, words, heart. We chatted trying to eliminate the tension of waiting. By the time my name was called there were only three of us left. I looked at Uriah as I got up. He quickly squeezed my hand for encouragement.

I walked into the room with Four. It was plain and small but was ominous for it was a place to meet one's fears. I sat in the chair as Four explained how the serum worked. I couldn't really hear him because my head was pounding. I focused just in time to hear, "I'll be able to see your simulation on the monitor."

"Wait," I choked out, "You can see into my mind?"

"Yes, we need to see how you react to your fears."

"Will you tell anyone what you see?" I asked.

"No, I won't tell anyone" he said. "But the leaders of dauntless will able to able to watch the recording if they wish."

I took a deep breath and prepared myself for the needle. Four brushed my hair away from my neck, it caught my breath. Did his fingers linger? I held back a smile as I drifted into my fear.

_I was in Marcus's home tiding up the living room. I jumped at the sound of the front door slamming shut. With wide eyes I turned to see who came in. His large frame loomed over me. His breathing uneven. Hatred was steaming out his eyes directly at me. _

_I couldn't say anything; I thought my heart would explode. _

_"Is that anyway to greet your host?" He spat. _

_"I-I-I'm sorry, Marcus." I stuttered out. "Hello, can I get you some tea?" _

_"Tea? Tea? No, I don't want tea, I want respect." His voice started to get louder. "I will get respect even if I have to force it out of you. This is for your own good" _

_He was undoing his belt and before I had anytime to respond I felt it lash against my arm. I fell down on my hands and knees, exposing my back. Lash after lash I cried out. I lost track of time. I could barely breathe because my tears were overpowering me. I curled up into a ball, hands in my face listening to the crack of his belt. I don't know what triggered it but I realized, this wasn't real, this wasn't my life anymore, I was in a simulation. _

I was able to breath and woke up. My hands were shaking and my face was wet with tears. I wondered if I had cried out loud earlier. I looked at Four, his jaw was slack, eyes wide, "You….I…I…" he couldn't make out a sentence. We stared into each other's eyes for a few moments and he said with conviction, "We need to talk."

I looked away. He said he wouldn't tell anyone what he saw but I guess we had to talk about it. I felt encased in darkness, my secret was out.


	8. Chapter 8

Four asked me to meet him in the pit at 11:00p.m.- alone. I was morose the entire day, my friends assumed it was because of my simulation but I've grown accustomed to seeing that fear and how to hide it well. I was lifeless because now, I actually had to talk about it. At least, I hoped that's what he was going to talk to me about… I vaguely remember something about how the second stage of initiation was dangerous for people like me. But it couldn't be about _that_, I haven't even thought about it afraid someone would be able to see it in my eyes. No, this was definitely about Marcus.

The pit was vacant of initiates, everyone was exhausted from facing their fears, it was more strenuous than the physical stage one of training. I spotted Four in the corner, he nodded to me and started to walk away. I followed. Once we were far enough away from the pit he stopped and waited for me to catch up.

"Hi," my voice soft and eyes wary.

I feared what he was going to say but: "I have to show you something," was all he said before continuing to walk ahead, into a room in Dauntless I've never seen. Four started to type away at a computer, I waited in silence. He finished and looked up at me, "In stage three, you have to go through your fear landscape. The computer compiles your fears and has the simulation create a fear obstacle course. Tonight, I want to go through mine with you."

He picked up a two simulation injections and looked at me expectantly. I didn't know why he wanted to do this; he was going to make himself completely vulnerable to me. This was not what I was expecting. I was nervous but at the same time I trusted him completely. I nodded and sat down on the chair waiting for him to inject me like earlier today.

His fingers brushed against my neck, my pulse quickened by the touch. Once my hair was out of the way, his fingers didn't leave my neck, they were definitely lingering this time. I looked up at his face, he gave me a quick, almost embarrassed smile and stuck me with the needle.

_I woke up on the edge of the highest building in the city. I looked over the edge, felt the wind on my skin and a tingling spread up from my feet to my face. The height made me nervous but also a little excited. To my right I saw Four, his breathing was heavy, his face stern, it seemed he was trying to focus on anything but the height. I reached out to him, grabbing his hand, it made him jump a little bit. _

_"You are okay, Four," I said to him. "This isn't real but even if it were, I'm here." I squeezed his hand. _

_He nodded at me, "To get out of this fear I have to either calm down or make it worse to face it." _

_"Then, lets jump together," I said confidently. _

_Holding hands we jumped and for a few seconds I felt free again, just like the day I picked Dauntless. It was an exquisite feeling, my spirit danced and I found myself laughing. Oh, to feel free and relaxed, when would I feel that again? _

_The feeling was gone too quick and I felt hollow without it. Four and I found ourselves in a room that was slowly getting smaller. I looked around at Four; his eyes were ablaze with fear. _

_"Afraid of being confined?" I asked him. _

_"One of my punishments as a child was being locked in a closet, ever since then I don't like being in small places." He wasn't looking at me but at the walls, floor and ceiling, clearly panicking. _

_I grabbed him, got him to the center of the room and forced him to sit down in a ball. I wrapped my body around his. We were crouching together, trying to become as small as possible while the room became a box._

_His arms were wrapped around his legs and my arms were wrapped around him. My face was touching the side of his, my breath steadily hitting his face. Although we made the space smaller, the fear didn't leave us. I started to sing thinking it might calm him down like it did the Factionless. _

_It started quite young_

_Yeah, I learned how to, to,_

_To stay quiet, just stay quiet, always stay_

_We're cursed with disease_

_I have to be perfect_

_And you're not better than me, no._

_Don't you ever get lonely?_

_Yeah, don't you ever get lonely?_

_'Cause it's no better for me_

_I still cannot breathe_

_My voice was softly singing into his ear and his breathing slowed. Before I finished the song we were out of the shrinking room and onto a large room with a young girl sitting in a chair. _

_"Who is she?" I asked. _

_"An innocent, but I have to kill her," he said looking at me. I realized he was holding a gun pointing at the young girl. "I can't do it if I look at her," he continued as he fired. I jumped. _

_The next fear brought us to the same room in my fear earlier that day. My breath quickened. I wasn't ready for this. Why were we here? I thought this was his fear landscape, not mine. _

_"W-why are we in my fear?" I asked, my voice audibly shaking. _

_"We aren't," he said looking at me. "We're in my childhood home."_

_I heard clunky footsteps coming down the stairs. I knew who it was. My heart started racing faster than before, I could feel my blood pulsing through my body, I looked up at Four and said, "Tobias." _

_Before he could respond to me, Marcus entered the room. "Tobias, this is for your own good." Marcus lifted his belt, preparing to whip Tobias. This man haunted my nightmares. This man stole my virtue. This man stripped me of my self-worth. This man, I decided was not going to hit his son, again. As the belt flew down, the trajectory for Tobias, I jumped in its path. Being lashed was a feeling I would never forget, it was seared in my memory, but having it done to me countless times before did not make it hurt any less. _

_Just as I reacted to protect Tobias, he reacted to protect me. After he hit his father, I woke up._

I was coming down from the frantic, shocking horror of the Four's last fear when my eyes met with his. We just stared at each other for a few minutes. His eyes were not of the fierce instructor but of an ally. I saw his biggest fears, it was so personal, terrifying but personal, that I felt connected to him. I looked into his eyes and felt his soul. I knew we were two in the same. We mirrored many of the buildings in the city- strong, standing tall and not to be forgotten but plagued with spots of crumbling decay.

"You were his son," I said. "You're Tobias."

"Yes," he responded to my obvious statement. "I need to know your story. How exactly did you know my father?"

I bit my lip and broke eye contact to look at the ground. I took a deep breath, ran my hands across my face and through my dark hair. He just exposed his past to an almost complete stranger, we may talk each morning but we didn't know each other. He was truly brave. I could be too.

"When I was fourteen I came home to find my parents gone. They were nowhere in the house, nowhere in Abnegation, we couldn't find them in the city; it was like they just vanished. I was alone, entirely alone. The leaders of Abnegation didn't know what to do with me, obviously they weren't going to make me Factionless, and they all have the biggest hearts, well, most of them at least. Marcus volunteered to take me in; he said he had a home and life that could be shared. He was alone and I was alone. For the first few weeks it seemed like a perfect arrangement. I was the perfect Abnegation child for him, always helping others, never talking out of turn, always having dinner ready when he came home, cleaning the house. Then he had a terrible time at work, I spoke out of turn, and you know his reaction." I paused my story. I looked at him, he staring intently at me. He didn't look at me with pity, but understanding. It was nice. He knew what it was like; he knew I could still be a strong person.

"The beatings started to become a regular routine during the week. I tried so hard to do everything right, to please him, but it never seemed to be enough. I started spending as much time possible helping the Factionless. I got to know them very well. It was nice to know that even though I couldn't help myself, I could help someone. About 7 months after I moved into Marcus's home, he saw a neighbor boy hold my hand." I took a deep breath, should I really tell him it all? I looked up at him; he pushed his eyebrows together confused on where the story was going to go. He nodded for me to continue.

"I'm not sure if I had ever seen him so mad. After a particularly brutal beating that left me bleeding, he… he…. Well, I believe his exact words were 'If you want people to touch you, it's going to be me. This will help you remember that, this is for your own good.' The beatings and rape continued until the choosing ceremony. The morning of the ceremony he told me after initiation at Abnegation that he was going to take me as his wife. He said that we were to be married and I would be his forever. I couldn't do it. I had to escape. I had to be free. So, I came here."

His eyes were no longer understanding but wide. I found myself in his arms, his grip was firm and he whispered, "He can't get you here and even if he could, I'm here." I smiled at his spin on my words from his fear landscape. And I knew, everything had changed.


	9. Chapter 9

The bruises on my face had started to fade to a light yellow color by the time it was family visiting day. We had already faced two more of our fears and although there were no visible bruises from them, they left their mark on our souls. The morning of visiting day everyone's spirits were up because even if their family didn't come, at least no one had to go under the fear simulation for another day.

Like usual I was ready before everyone else. I was debating on what to do today since I had no family that could come visit me, perhaps I'd wander the Dauntless, get a tattoo or find somewhere to see a few minutes of sunshine. Before my decision was made Four, Eric and Max (the highest ranking Dauntless leader) were in the room. I thought it strange that all of them were there for a chat.

"Today, some of you will get to see your old family's," Eric started. "I advise you not to seem too attached because they are your _old_ family and if you want to become a Dauntless, you need to realize that."

The group nodded their understanding and continued to get ready. I sat on the corner of my bed talking to Christina.

"No," I said to her. "There is on one to visit me today."

"Well you should still come to the pit. You could meet some of our family's. My family would love to know that I've made some great friends here," she said smiling at me.

"Maybe after you've visited for a bit I'll stop by," I said diplomatically eyeing Four, Eric and Max who came up to us.

"Actually Stiff," Eric said with a smirk, "there is someone here to see you."

My eyes gave away my confusion, "My family is gone, probably dead, and so, I have no one who would visit me."

"Well, it seems that someone considers you family, and it just so happens that he is one of the city's leaders," Max told me carefully. "Which is why Dauntless leaders will supervise your visit. We don't normally get people of such high authority unannounced of visiting day."

"Marcus is here?" My voice was barely audible.

"You don't have to see him," Four said quickly. "Everyone has a choice of not meeting the people from their past."

"Why wouldn't she want to see him," Eric challenged. He knows, I thought. He must have watched my simulation videos. He knows that in the first one, I experienced him beating me. In the second he raped me. And in the third, I was completely alone. He stared at me waiting for my response, waiting for me to admit weakness. He was playing a game that I couldn't win.

"I guess I'll have a short visit, he did come all this way," I said.

Eric looked a bit shocked but lead me out of the room and down to the pit. Eric and Max start talking and I fell back next to Four. "You don't need to go to the pit," I said. "It'll be okay."

He looks torn; relieved I said he didn't have to go but still considering how he should. Finally he came to a conclusion, "I'll stand far enough away so I don't have to interact with him but I'll be close enough if anything happens."

I'd rather him not even see his father but it was a compromise I was willing to accept. We had about twenty feet until we entered the pit and my palms started to sweat. I was anxious about my clothes- a short black skirt, a black blouse that showed about an inch of my midriff, a comfy black, thick cardigan and black boots. I didn't look they way he'd want me to, I panicked internally. But wait, why did I care? I'm not his, I'm my own person and I am strong, Dauntless.

As we entered the pit Four fell back. I saw Marcus across the room and my heart dropped. He smiled once he saw him but it looked full of pain and sadness. His manipulation game was spot on.

"Ana," He said breaking from traditional Abnegation norms to hug me. The moment he let go of me I stepped back.

"Hello," I said looking straight into his eyes. I was not going to falter; I was going to prove I am stronger than my fears. Or, at least I was going to make it look like I was since Eric and Max were watching our every move.

"How is initiation going, honey," he asked with a look of concern as he grazed my fading bruise on my cheek. I felt like I was going to vomit in disgust, he was touching me. I clenched my teeth and too another pretty obvious step back.

"I am doing alright in initiation. I'm great with a gun, good with knives and getting stronger in fights. The mental aspect of training is draining but dealing with pain and fear is nothing new to me," I said looking at him fiercely.

"Yes Ana, you have had to face a lot of pain with your family disappearing on you," he said in a fake, soft and loving, voice. I knew he was furious because I left him and now I wasn't giving the satisfaction of cowering at his feet. I broke eye contract because I was anxious the trembling that was inside me would show through my eyes. I noticed a lot of people in the pit were staring at us. Marcus was a very recognizable person in the city. It put even more pressure on me to act the right way, like a Dauntless.

"But why did you choose to leave? I know back at home holds a lot of painful memories but you aren't Dauntless. You aren't harsh, loud or crazy." As he spoke I saw Eric and Max look angry, Marcus saw it too but he didn't stop. "You're quite, small, selfless and mine."

I could not hide my look of anger and disgust. I was not his. I was not _his_. "I may be small but I am brave. I may be quiet but I will not sit by while some gets hurt. And I am definitely not yours." I spat my words at him hoping they'd seep into him like venom.

Eric and Max seemed to be satisfied with my answer and Marcus looked crestfallen- the actor he was, almost convinced me. He placed a hand on my shoulder and kept it there. I tried with all my might to ignore it but the weight of it started to have its effect on me. Slowly my body started to react by shaking. This put a smile on Marcus's face. It encouraged him because he knew he still had power over me. He took a step closer. Fear started to rise from my chest to my face, almost leaking out of my eyes.

"Oh Ana, I've missed you," he whispered so only I could hear him.

Pressure started to build in my eyes. I must not cry, I told myself. I looked up at Eric; he was watching me very closely, analyzing my real life reactions to my deepest fears. He was not Four but I was hoping he'd find compassion and help me. I begged him with my eyes.

"You're not _involved_ with that one are you," Marcus hissed with jealously. I broke eye contact from Eric, he wasn't going to help and our stare down was getting noticed.

"No," I said. "How about a song? You always enjoyed my singing."

Marcus smiled, this is how he liked me, compliant and thinking of his wants. He released me and nodded.

I took a deep breath. My voice started quite but after the first verse gained power.

I'm a princess cut from marble, smoother than a storm.

And the scars that mark my body, they're silver and gold,

My blood is a flood of rubies, precious stones,

It keeps my veins hot, the fire's found a home in me.

I move through town, I'm quiet like a fight,

And my necklace is of rope, I tie it and untie.

And now people talk to me, but nothing ever hits home

People talk to me, and all the voices just burn holes.

I'm done with it (ooh)

In the last line of that verse, I let go of my fears. My voice was loud and strong, not delicate and weak. People in the pit started to notice. I ignore the extra attention and kept singing.

This is the start of how it all ends

They used to shout my name, now they whisper it

I'm speeding up and this is the red, orange, yellow flicker beat sparking up my heart

We're at the start, the colours disappear

I never watch the stars, there's so much down here

So I just try to keep up with the red, orange, yellow flicker beat sparking up my heart

**I dream all year, but they're not the sweet kinds**

And the shivers move down my shoulder blades in double time

And now people talk to me, I'm slipping out of reach now

People talk to me, and all their faces blur

But I got my fingers laced together and I made a little prison

**And I'm locking up everyone who ever laid a finger on me**

I'm done with it (ooh)

Once I was done, I looked at Marcus. The people in the pit cheered for me. I ignored them, I didn't sing for them, I sang for myself. The song was Dauntless. I was Dauntless. He couldn't hurt me anymore.

"I think you should leave," I said with conviction.

As I turned to walk away he grabbed my arm, "You stupid little girl. You need to learn your place. Without me you'd be Factionless. With out me you'd be nothing. You were mine, what made you think you could leave? You little wh—"

I cut him off, "No, without you I'd have less scars." I tore his hand away from my arm and gave him a quick shove. He fell back, not hard but I made my point.

The pit was silent. We had made quite a scene. I stalked out.


	10. Chapter 10

**Note: I'll do better updating throughout the week, a lot is about to happen in the story!**

The next morning I was found unconscious in a pool of my own blood in the center of the pit. I didn't wake up until the following day.

There was an invisible hand pushing my mind underwater, drowning it. Air was coming to my lungs but my brain struggled to comprehend. As my consciousness returned I could hear voices. Eventually my mind surfaced to reality, allowing me to pair names with voices and understand their words. I refused to open my eyes.

"She couldn't have been attacked by an initiate, the cameras show that they were all in bed at the time," Four's voice said.

"Who else would have it out for her though?" Eric challenged. "More bones in her body were broken than not, and all that blood… she's lucky to be alive."

Lucky to be alive, I thought, I don't know about that. With my eyes still shut, I started to speak, "This is a message from him, a message telling you that you will never be free." I opened my eyes; the light felt like it was stabbing my brain. "Those are the last words I heard."

I looked around the room. Eric, Four and Max were the only faces I recognized, but they weren't the only ones there. I looked right at Four, we both knew there was only one person who could have sent that message.

"Did I miss training? The final test? Am I Factionless?" I questioned with a moment of panic.

"No," said Eric. "You're not Factionless but you did miss some training. Do you think we would really make you Factionless after watching you with Marcus? Him on the ground was probably the best thing I ever saw." Everyone in the room chuckled in appreciation. "Besides, that would have been impressive if he was only him, but we've all seen your simulations, he isn't just a corrupt leader, he is your biggest fear and abuser. It took real courage and bravery to see him again, to stand up to him."

"Well, look what it got me," I said with an eye roll and gesturing to the infirmary bed I was in. Surprisingly I was only sore, it didn't look like I had anything broken anymore and everything seemed to be able to move, they must of used some Erudite magic healing on me.

"So we can assume who is responsible for the attack," cautioned Max, "but who actually attacked you?"

"I don't remember, I just remembered many hands grabbing me, shoving me, hitting me. The pain was so bad that I stopped feeling things." I paused; there were a lot of people looking at me. I realized that meant a lot of people knew the secrets of my past. "When can I get back to training?"

A smile formed on Four's face, "soon."

Now that I was awake, the people in the room started to file out. I counted fifteen people leave, fifteen. Why were so many people here, I am not even Dauntless yet, just an initiate. My stomach gave a little squirm. Initiates die, get hurt, become Factionless-it's no big deal. Too many people were paying attention to me…why?

One word seared in my brain: _divergent_. But it couldn't be, I told myself. They can't know. I've done a good job hiding it. I haven't manipulated any simulations yet and even a couple of times I prolonged the torture of being in the simulation to give me a longer time under its influence. Of course, I was still the top of the class but someone had to be.

I sat up straighter. There were still three people in the room, Four, Eric and another man. He had beautiful dark skin, huge intimidating arms but warm, homey eyes. I've seen him around before but I didn't know him. His warm eyes reminded me of someone, Uriah.

"How bad was it?" I asked to no one in particular.

"We weren't sure you were going to make it," responded Four in a quite but professional voice.

"But you fought, like usual," smirked Eric.

I tried to hide my smile, I know I shouldn't have been so pleased with myself and I really shouldn't care what Eric thought.

"We're going to take turns keeping watch. It seems like you have a hit against you and no one messes with Dauntless," informed Eric.

I looked at his with puzzled eyes, "That isn't necessary."

"Two days ago you were almost murdered," scolded Four.

"And Abnegation does not have the right to dictate what happens within our compound. If someone comes back, we need to teach them a lesson," preached Eric.

I gave up. The first person who stood watch was the man I didn't know. He introduced himself as Zeke; he was Uriah's older brother. We talked with ease. I dreaded to see him exchange with Four because the light-hearted chatter was sure to be replaced with painful revelations.

"I'm so sorry," was the first thing out of Four's mouth when we were alone.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," I said shaking my head.

"I told you he couldn't get you here. I said I would be there for you," His face was in his hands out of frustration. "Why can't he just, just stop?"

Four's chair was close enough to my bed that I was able to reach out and place my hand on his knee. I was trying to be comforting but the moment I touched him a tingle went through my body. I quickly removed my hand and instead turned my body to sit on the edge of the bed looking at him.

"He's a sick man," I said. "He will get what he deserves one day." I waited a few moments and gained courage, "Why were there so many people here before? I know that the attack on me has become a representation of an attack against all Abnegation but…" I let my words trail.

"I think something is changing. Erudite and Dauntless are too close. Eric said that Abnegation can't be calling the shots here, I think it's because Erudite already is. I can only assume this attack added fuel to the fire."

"If the fire is hatred against Abnegation, what is the endgame?" I asked.

"I'm not sure, but from what I have found while working in the control room, they want to eradicate Divergent and end Abnegation," concluded Four. He was staring right in my eyes. Our faces only had about a foot of air between each other. _Eradicate Divergent_. I couldn't think. I ran away from my abuser to be hunted by many? Would I ever truly be free?

"Why do they want to eliminate divergent?" I asked hoping it wouldn't be suspicious.

"According to Erudite," he said while still maintaining eye contact, "divergent are dangerous to the entire system. They can't fit into a category, thus can't be controlled. Their minds work in too many ways. Sound like anyone you know?"

"No," I said quietly looking away from him.

"You mean you don't know anyone who is brave, selfless, smart, and kind? Someone who seems to survive and thrive when it seems like they should fail?"

"Are you part of the hunting party, Four?" I said not looking at him.

"No," He said, "I believe to be a complete person we should strive to have some part of every faction. I want to be brave, smart, kind, selfless and honest. Kind and honest are a struggle for me though," he chuckled.

I looked back at him. He was still looking at me. It made me blush. Why would someone so handsome be looking at me? He was so sure of himself. I try to be confident, at times I can still talk myself into believing in myself but then other times I crumble to pieces. I'm so vulnerable, with my past and my divergence, it's frustrating. I'm not sure how long we stared at each other. But the more I looked at him the more I started to realize what I was feeling: desire for him.

Someone opening the door forced us to break out of our gazes. It was Eric, taking the next shift. Four got up without saying anything else. I didn't want him to go. He knows what I've been through, he knows what I am, he knows me. We barely talk but our connection is so deep. It's confusing and unrealistic. It scared me but I wanted to get to know him and as embarrassing as this sounds, I wanted to touch him.

Eric took Four's seat. I moved further back on my bed, knowing my cheeks were still flushed. I looked away from him. I started to think about Four, about my divergence, about the possible war, about how I just desperately wished to be a normal Dauntless initiate. I was encased in worry and it showed.

"Stop that," Eric said shattering the perfect silence.

Being torn away from my thoughts by the sound of his voice, I looked over to asked, "What?"

"Stop chewing on your lip, holding yourself so delicately with you arms and looking they way you do right now, stop all of it."

"Uh, okay?" I said questioningly. I unwrapped my arms and tried to relax my face. I looked at his face, his stare was hard, not full of warmth like Uriah's or concern like Fours.

The nurse came in and looked me over one more time. She said I should take it easy but was free to go. Eric walked out of the room with me in complete silence. His face was so controlled but I felt like something was brewing behind it. I tried to ignore him but every so often on the long walk back to the pit I would glance up at him.

Out of nowhere he pushed me into a dark room. My back was against the wall and his body was against mine. One of his hands was on my face, the other on my waist. Our faces only inches apart. Being so close to him caused the blood in my veins to move faster.

"At first you were just a fun toy to play with," he started. "I thought that you were going to be out after the first round but you surprised me-I realized that you worked harder than the others with extra workouts. I thought the fear of stage two would wreck you but you were exceptional in the simulations. Your times made me curious, so I watched your simulations-my job requires it- your fears seemed to be more like memories. And wouldn't you know, your worst fear showed up in Dauntless. How you stood up to him, how you threatened him with that song in your sweet, sweet voice… Then just now, biting your lip, hugging yourself and scrunching up your eyebrows… you're so hot…"

Waiting for no response from me, Eric's lips met mine-hard. His left hand held my face in place while the other traced the curve of my hip. After a moment of surprise, my lips responded to him and my body reacted by pushing itself even closer to him. I could feel him smirking but I didn't care, I wanted more. His teeth got my lower lip; the pain was quickly replaced with more desire. No matter how much I reacted, his mouth always had dominance over mine. My whole body felt hot. I had never been touched this way before and it tore my mind away from all my fears. All I could do was feel what was happening right then, in that moment. It was all so intoxicating and overwhelming. His hands were roughly feeling my body causing a moan to escape my mouth. It embarrassed me but only seemed to encourage him. After who knows how long he pulled away from me.

"You are a great little initiate," he said, "but you're dangerous."

He left me alone in the dark room. I slide against the wall to sit down. My skin tingled with excitement. Who knew my body could feel so good? Who knew that kissing could help me forget all the bad.

What did I do? I probably just made out with the man that was leading the hunt to seek out my divergence.


	11. Chapter 11

The next day the initiates practiced going through a fear landscape with an instructor named Lauren. It was the last time we had any preparation for our final test. It didn't seem too difficult but then again, it wasn't my fears I was experiencing but hers. We then had four days off to mentally prepare ourselves.

In those four days I did everything I could to avoid Four and Eric. I was embarrassed that I had feelings for Four, he hasn't made any advances on me like Eric, probably because he saw me as a sister. I was humiliated just thinking about my feelings for him. On the other side of things was Eric, a Dauntless leader who was very dangerous for me because he was probably the head of the divergent search. Every time I saw him, all I could do was hear my moan in my head from the other night.

So while avoiding the two people that caused me to feel so embarrassed, I spent some much needed time with Christina. Through all the terrors of simulations and the drama of visiting day, I felt like I hadn't been able to really talk to her in ages.

On the first day of mental preparation but freedom from real training, Christina and I woke up early for a run. We figured with our physical training having had been done for a while now, it was our responsibility to maintain our own physical strength and agility. We started our run slow and quiet- warming up our unused muscle and warming up the space that had been created between us. We weren't allowed to leave the compound without a Dauntless member but there was a track on a rooftop that let us run outside. After two laps I broke the silence.

"I miss you," I said between much needed breathes.

"Me too," She responded. There was a long pause; I could tell she was thinking about what to say next so I didn't fill the silence with my voice. "I think that I was avoiding you. The last stage was eating me away…even when I wasn't in the simulation I was afraid. Then you were doing so well and I was angry with you. It's stupid. Having some time away from the simulations I realize that I should be happy for you not upset."

The sun was starting to rise higher in the sky and the warm orange light that hugged us. My blood was racing, my skin was warm and my heart ached knowing how bad Christina was feeling through the simulations.

"I should have realized you were taking the simulations so bad," I said biting my lip. "I should have been there for you. I'm sorry I let myself get distracted by my past…"

"You mean you should have not been distracted by nearly being killed by your abusive foster parent?" she shot back to me. I gave her a look of surprise, I didn't think anyone but the leaders and Four knew about that. "I overheard Four and Eric talking about it," she said apologetically. "They were both so angry, I never thought I would see them agree on something."

"Have you told anyone?" I asked and we started to pick up our pace.

"Well, Will started to put things together, you know he saw your scars," she shot a quick look at me because she knew more than she was supposed to. "Then Factionless woman and Marcus causing a scene on visiting day… he just was being curious and protective of you so when he brought it up to me I couldn't lie, I told him what I heard."

My legs started to burn but my spirits were lighter. It was nice to know my friends were still my friends. It was nice to know that I didn't have to hide because they knew my secrets.

"You're the best friend I could have ever made here," I told her with a real smile. "We are going to kick this last test's ass. Do you have a plan for any of your fears yet?"

For the rest of our run we chatted about ways to overcome different fears. We ran for so long that I lost count of our laps. We were just enjoying the company of each other and the fact that running gave us a physical outlet to deal with our fears. The movement was challenging but healing.

When we finished our many repetitive laps around the track, we weren't ready to leave the sunlight yet, so went to the corner of the track to stretch.

"So," I said wickedly while stretching out my right calves, "what's going on with you and Will?"

She giggled, causing me to giggle, which caused us both to fall victims of our own laughter. Friends, I thought, so much simpler than romantic love.

The third day of freedom we were invited to a party. Christina wouldn't stop talking about it and I was forced to go. It was at Uriah's childhood home. His mother was away for a few days working at the fence allowing him to have a completely rule breaking, stress relieving party. Every initiate was going.

After dinner everyone started to get ready. Once I was dressed in my form-fitting black dress that had diamond cut outs on the sides of my rib cage, I started to get excited. I wasn't worried about getting in trouble; I was just ready to have fun. All the girls pooled our make-up because individually we didn't have very much. I chatted animatedly with everyone, very much opposite of my withdrawn, isolated front I often put up.

At nine we headed out to the party. Christina and Will were walking together, their shoulders hitting each other every so often and their eyes barely leaving each other's face, making them a dangerous pair to walk near. I walked with Al. He was so withdrawn.

"Is everything okay?" I asked him concerned.

"I'm not going to make it," his voice was flat.

"To the party? Yes you are, I'm walking with you there!"

"No, in Dauntless."

I stopped him, grabbed his arm and made him look at me. He was a lot taller than me so I had to arch my neck to look at him in the eyes.

"Don't say that, you don't know." The group was getting further away from us.

"I am at the bottom of the rankings, I'm hopeless."

"You will be if you keep thinking that way!" I scolded at him. "Don't worry about it tonight. Have a great night, forget about your worries and tomorrow we will go over strategies for you to overcome your fears."

"You'll help me?" he asked hopeful.

"Of course," I responded without hesitation.

He gave me a weak smile that didn't quiet reach his eyes. He picked his hand up and gently glided it across my check bone. The moment was too intimate for me, I didn't want him to think I liked him; I didn't need any more men complicating that aspect of my life. I pulled back, hoping not to insult him and smiled, tugging him down the hall.

When we got there it was just initiates, which relaxed me. We were all equal, living in similar limbo and feeling the same stresses- mostly, not everyone had to worry about being hunted by their past and possibly their future. Uriah gave everyone drinks and turned on some music. The drink tasted bad but quickly warmed my skin. I felt free again. It was a high. But part of me knew this wasn't a natural freedom, drink can't actually give you anything but a manipulation of reality.

More people came in but I didn't pay too much attention to them. I was laughing with Christina, Will and Al enjoying what I didn't know would be Al's last night. Where drink made me feel free, it made him feel dark and hopeless. We wouldn't know until the morning, but my words of encouragement earlier were forgotten or ignored when he flung himself off the edge of the chasm.

I too forgot my conversation with Al later on in the night. I was feeling free and ignoring all worries. A few hours into the party I swapped my drink for water. The kitchen was empty; I could still hear the music from the other room but had a moment of peace. As I leaned against the sink and reflected on my stay at Dauntless while sipping my water. It may have been crazy and chaotic but the moments like this and the moments where I over came challenges gave me hope. I made the right choice with Dauntless even with all the danger I faced. My time here has been the best of my life.

Being lost in thought, I didn't notice Four and Zeke come into the kitchen.

"Ana," Zeke shouted causing me to jump.

"Oh my," I said laughing. "Hey Zeke, Four."

Both of them smiled at me and leaned on the counter in front of me. They were so big, strong, manly. They were the physical embodiments of Dauntless. I loved it.

"Enjoying yourselves?" I asked laughing at them. "Are you guys the oldest ones here?"

"I had to make sure Uriah didn't burn down moms." Zeke responded.

"And we're only two years older," scoffed Four.

Our conversation started flowing with ease. We made each other laugh and they impressed me with their stories of bravery. I might have been drinking water but by the smell of it, they were drinking something much stronger. I'm not sure when, but sometime throughout our conversation, Four moved from his original spot to one next to me. His arms were crossed on his chest but he was standing so close that his arm touched mine. Maybe he didn't think of me as a sister… Each time he took a drink, his arm caused friction on mine, sending electricity through my body. Part of me want to feel more, be touched more but another part of me relished in the power of his simple touch.

His touch was consuming. I struggled to pay attention to the conversation at hand. Four was telling Zeke about the initiate's game of capture the flag.

"I thought she was going to jump off the Ferris wheel," he said laughing.

"I wasn't going to jump, " I responded rolling my eyes.

When Four finished the story, Zeke said, "You are one unique girl, Ana."

"That she is," said a voice by the door of the kitchen that made me jump. Knowing the voice I didn't want to look up. I knew he'd ruin the camaraderie feeling between Zeke, Four and I. I knew his dominance would take over and smother any good time we were having. Plus, I knew that when our eyes met I would hear my moan that escaped my mouth when we kissed and I didn't want to think about that. It made me feel powerless.

"Eric," Four acknowledged him. I could feel Four's stance become straighter but he didn't move away from me. I was grateful.

"I came to check on the initiates, I heard they were having a party and who would have known that when I got here, half of Dauntless already joined the party," Eric mused.

I looked through the doorway; the room had indeed gotten very full.

"Ana, these two aren't trying to take advantage of a young drunk initiate, are they?" Eric asked wickedly while eliminating the distance between him and the group.

"No and not drunk," I said holding up my cup, "it's just water." Although earlier I may have felt drunk, I didn't now. Eric had a sobering effect and I realized that what he did the other day was just what he jokingly accused Zeke and Four doing now, taking advantage of me. Of course my body reacted to him, he smothered me but now I felt nothing but humiliation. I wouldn't do it again, would I?

There was some weird tension in the room as Eric eyed the closeness of Four and I. Thankfully my clueless and drunk best friend tumbled into the room, "ANA!"

"Oh my," I said laughing at Christina. "How much have you been drinking?"

I left Four's side to help Christina stand up straight.

"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?" She shouted like I wasn't right next to her. "WILL KISSED ME!"

"He didn't!" I squealed back to her. "Too bad you wont remember it tomorrow." And we both fell into a fit of giggles.

I turned my head back to Eric, Four and Zeke quickly causing my dark hair to flip dramatically. "Bye, I'm taking her back to the dorms, she's too drunk."

"AM NOT," she shouted trying to take a step but fell to her knees. I helped her up and looked at the three men on the other side of the kitchen, I rolled my eyes at them and gave them a quick wave. Zeke's eyes were laughing, Four's were concerned and Eric's were furious.


	12. Chapter 12

The next morning came quickly and will forever be in my memory. When I got up, I looked around and saw that, for once, I wasn't the first one awake. Al's bed was empty. I assumed he was in the cafeteria getting breakfast since he wasn't in the shower when I walked in. I quickly got ready thinking that I could meet up with him and start planning ways for him to overcome his fears tomorrow at our final test.

The fastest way to the cafeteria was by cutting a crossed the pit. I was almost skipping, excited to help Al. He was such a sweet-hearted guy. I knew he liked me but once we made it through initiation I would help him find someone who could really appreciate him. I mean, how many times did he make me fall over in laughter or protect me from unwanted attention? It would be easy to find him someone. The idea of seeing my friend a full member of Dauntless and happy made a smile erupt onto my face.

But all at once, everything stopped. I could feel no warmth in my skin. I wasn't even sure if my heart was beating.

In the pit I saw a group of men hoisting up a body out of the chasm. A body I easily recognized as my physically big and big-hearted friend. My legs started to shake uncontrollably; I fell to my knees and struggled to stand up. My ears were assaulted with silence; I could see people's lips move but there was no noise. I just saw him last night. I just touched him. In my memory, I could still feel his warm hand lightly touching my cheek. What is going on?

"Who is he?" I heard when I could finally hear again, over my anguished thoughts.

"Al" I croaked. "Al… Al… He's Al… or he was Al." I kept repeating his name, thinking it would make him turn his head and smile in my direction. He didn't. His body was wet, pale and void of life. He barely looked human. He was just a shell.

There was no soul left.

_Christina and Will_, I thought, I had to go tell them. I turned abruptly, filling my head with dizziness and unsteadying my feet. I ran back to the dorms, often loosing my footing and falling down. From the few times I caught myself on the walls my hands were bleeding. I don't know who I saw on the way there, I can't remember the faces of people I knocked into or even if I apologized.

I fell onto Christina's bed covered in bruises and blood. She jumped up with fright. The words of what I saw spilled out of my mouth too fast for me to take breaths. Her and Will's faces were in shock. They went to the pit to see for themselves. I had absolutely no desire to follow them. I was exhausted but too restless to stay in the dorms. When they turned left out of the room, to go to the pit, I turned right to wander and tried to get Al's lifeless form out of my mind.

Hours later I found myself at the net where we landed the first day of our initiation. Our innocence at that time astounded me, we were scared and excited but had no idea of what would happen to us. We knew nothing of the world and I realized we still didn't. Why would Al do something so drastic? Why were people killing divergent? Why was a war brewing? What is the purpose of this segregated life we are forced into? Does everyone live in fear?

I struggled but climbed my way into the center of the net. I laid on my back and looked up out of the darkness and into the blue sky ahead. It was comforting to only be able to see the small gap of sky because there was no buildings, cars or people to remind me of the city. There was no decay in the sky, it was pure and whole. The sun warmed my skin and slowly felt like it might be breaking through my skin, slowly thawing my soul. Lost in a maze of thoughts, time escaped me.

As the light started to turn red in the sky I felt the net move. In a panic I sat up, it was Four. He pulled the net down as he did the first day I entered Dauntless, causing me to tumble slowly out of the net and into his arms.

"I've been looking for you all day," he said. "The men who pulled your friend's body out of the chasm described a hysterical, small, curvy and beautiful girl and the one identified him. I'm so sorry. Are you alright?"

He hadn't taken me out of his arms; they still held my frame up and close to him. His eyes bore into me, like I often found them, looking concerned. I could smell his skin, lemongrass, it wasn't a bold smell of cologne but subtle of his soap. It made me want to bury my face in his neck to capture more of the scent.

"I am much better than this morning but I can't stop seeing his immobile, soulless, dead body when I close my eyes," I said to him.

He pulled me close to his chest and held me there. I had a feeling that this was against Dauntless rules; a trainer embracing an initiate is such a comforting way. It made me savor the moment even more. I didn't wrap my arms around him but I did grab onto his shirt, pulling myself closer to him, if possible. It was a warm, glorious two minutes.

"Come with me," he said slowly loosening his grip. "We need to talk about a few things."

I worried about what he wanted to talk about but I followed knowing no harm would come to me while with Four. We turned down a hallway I never been to before and up stairs I never knew existed. Once we were on the highest floor he took me halfway down the hallway, unlocked a door and walked in, motioning me to follow him.

I walked into a loft style apartment; the only door in the flat I assumed was the bathroom. There was a kitchen on one end, a table and couch in the middle and a bed at the far end. The couch faced an expansive window that lined the entire side of the wall. There were no decorations but there was no mistaking this was Four's apartment, it _felt_ like him. I swallowed, being a little nervous in the privacy of his place but a little excited too.

I looked over to him, he stood awkwardly, his arms crossed and bouncing on his feet- heel to toe and back again. He was a little nervous about me being here too. And for the first time since this morning I smiled.

I walked over to the window and looked out. The sun was causing dramatic shadows around the city. It was beautiful to see the last ray of sun struggle to stretch around the buildings and through the decayed holes of some of the older skyscrapers. The sky was a warm red; it reminded me of blood but then of a warmer thought, of love. I loved Al as a friend, as one of my best friends, it didn't matter that I didn't know him for a long time, my feelings were true.

"You have a beautiful view," I said with a soft voice. It took great effort to turn to look at him. He was sitting on the couch. There were three spots on the couch, he was to the far left, and I didn't want to awkwardly sit in the middle so I took the other far spot. I pulled my legs up on the cushion, and crossed them so I was facing him. His arm laid on the back of the couch, it was long enough to almost touch me. He looked so causal, so relaxed, and so irresistible. I cleared my throat and my mind, "So, what did we need to talk about?"

"Well, I know we talked about what you are and how there is a war coming. I thought I should update you," he said turning his body towards me so we were now both facing each other. I nodded while biting my lip waiting for him to continue. He took a breath that raised his chest high. "I've been digging and found that Erudite has created a serum that acts as a simulation on only your mind. This means, while the mind is manipulated by the serum, your body is physically responding to it. If the simulation controller told the person under its control to jump off a building, they would. They are going to use it to create an army."

He stopped because I inhaled audibly with shock. "They are going to control Dauntless without them knowing?" I was learning in, entranced by the story.

"Yes and no. The leaders know what is going to happen but not the people who are actually going to be the solders," He told me carefully.

My mind automatically went to the private embrace I shared with Eric. I was disgusted I let him touch me, that I thought it felt nice, that I wanted more… and that god damn moan. Eric was going to let his entire faction become mindless soldiers for Erudite? He's sick, I thought, he's the lowest of the scum and plague that infested the city.

I didn't realize I was on my feet pacing until I felt hands on my arms stilling me, "Ana, I'm not telling you this because I think you can fix it. I'm telling you because you being…what you are… the serum won't work."

My eyes widened as far as my lids would allow, "They'll kill me."

"Not if you pretend," he said quickly.

"Pretend?" I asked my voice laced with anger. "Pretend to be mindless and kill innocent people? Or just stand by when my friends become murders? How can I pretend to do that?"

My whole frame was shaking with anger, fright and confusion. He pulled me into him, "You have to pretend, to protect yourself." He squeezed me tighter. "I need you to pretend because I need you." His voice was soft, vulnerable. "You hear that, I need you. You can't die."

Why would he feel this way about me? Why would he want me? I couldn't understand it but I didn't question it out loud. I just wrapped my arms around him and enjoyed the moment. He was healthy for me. He made my heart race. He knew me. He was putting himself at danger keeping my secret.

My heart was dancing in my chest. I raised my head to look at his face. We were only inches apart. I subtly wet my lips and kissed him. Electricity raced through my body, it heated my cheeks till they redden. He responded softly by enthusiastically. He wasn't pushing for dominance. His tongue grazed my lower lip _asking_ for admittance. I parted my lips and our tongues danced. My reached for his face while his traced my curves. Our breathing was excited and our touch desperate. Finally we broke apart, I was smiling and he chuckled. It was my first fully consensual kiss and I was in total bliss.


	13. Chapter 13

I laid in Four's arm the entire night. My skin was buzzing with his touch and I felt a constant blush on my face. We talked about everything while laying in the darkness waiting for sleep to catch up to us. I admitted to missing helping the Factionless and he admitted to wanting to have qualities of all the factions- fearlessness, knowledge, selflessness, kindness, and honesty. I told him about the day my parents disappeared, sharing more than my simulation could express. He told me about his mother. When things got too heavy we laughed about silly experiences we had. It was a perfect night. The best night of my life. I had never been happier and never felt more connected to anyone. It is a memory I think about often, it keeps me sane during my tortured imprisonment. I hold it scared because it only took 24 hours or less to have this feeling of bliss, a true happiness, to be shattered into a million shards of sharp glass. Each time I try to put the pieces back together I keep getting cut. It seems the future I thought I had can never be created.

I woke up next to Four with my heart fluttering, not only because of his presence but because today was the day of my final test that would determine if I got into Dauntless and if so, what kind of job I would obtain. But that was the easy definition of the test, for me, the test would also determine if I could keep my secret hidden. It seems that the only person who knew what I was, _Divergent_, was Four. I knew he wouldn't turn me in because part of me had a feeling he was hiding his own divergence too. But I knew I had to be careful because it wasn't just my place in Dauntless I was fighting for, it was my life. It might have been the high of being so close to Four but I felt like I was safe, I had done well in every challenged that faced me here. The Dauntless members already seemed to like me. I think I may have fooled them all.

Four let me use his shower; the privacy was still something I longed for, not because I wanted to hide my scars but because I didn't always want to be on display. Marcus had looked me at too much; I often can still feel his penetrating eyes on me randomly. It always gave me a panic attack and I'd look all around only to find he wasn't there.

A shower, breakfast and a few lustful kisses later and I was on my way to the testing area. Think like a Dauntless, I told myself, find a way to fight off or embrace your fears. Go fast but not too fast. Don't break out of the simulation early, let it bring you out of it. It was a day of being lost in my own mind, in and out of the simulation.

I met up with the other initiates, none of them commented on my absence last night because all anyone could think about what our final test. We sat on the floor outside the test room; only one of us would enter at a time, take our turn, prove ourselves and hope for the best. I sat next to Christina, the side of my arm touching hers. I looked around at the faces of the group, not all of us were going to make it. It made me feel sick. But what made me feel worse was realizing in the empty space beside me is where Al should be sitting.

I distracted myself with thoughts of Four. His touch sent a flutter to my stomach, in excitement, nerves and desire. I know I felt desire when Eric had thrust his lust on me but it was different than Four, with Eric I think it was too close to Marcus. I wanted to please him, so I wanted to want him, as sick as that sounds. But with Four, I know I could stand in front of him, just as I am, I didn't need to do anything else. I had a small little smile on my face that was very out of place in this morose, anxiety filled room. I pulled my knees to my chest and buried my face in my arms. I could still feel the gentle urgency of Four's lips on my mine, a feel I don't think I'd ever get used to.

Lost in my distracting thoughts I hadn't realized half of the group had already taken their turn. It was Christina's turn. I stood up when she did. She gave me a nod and turned to walk away but I didn't let her. I did a very Amenity thing, I hugged her, tight and whispered, "you got this." My embrace shocked her but a real smile broke through her anxieties and then she was gone.

Of course, I had to be the last one to take the final test. I walked in the room after Eric, who had been the one to collect me. I was surprised to see how many people were there- all of Dauntless leadership, the instructors, and a group of curious but obviously important Erudite, led by Jeannie Mathews. I knew my test was recorded and displayed for the entire compound to see, drinking and watching initiates struggle through their test was a favorite pastime, but I was surprised to see so many important people in the room. I knew my face gave away my uneasiness. I found Four's eyes, they were stony making it hard to interpret what he was feeling. Were all these people being here normal?

I really didn't have much time to think about it, it only took half a minute to walk to the chair where I was to be monitored during the simulation. I sat down, and took a deep breath trying to clear my mind. Eric grabbed the serum, placed a hand on my neck at first to brush away my hair but he took the opportunity to keep touching me, I didn't know if it was out of lust or a want to intimidate me. His hand moved up and down my neck, tickling me slightly. I was embarrassed that I couldn't do anything to stop it but I was pretty sure no one could see it, his large body acted as a shield. His eyes didn't look at my face until he stuck me with the needle. His blue icy eyes were the last things I saw.

_I was standing naked in a glass box. The box was lit up but the rest of the room was dark. I couldn't see anything around me. This was a fear I hadn't experienced before. I looked around trying to figure out what my fear was. Slowly the room filled with a dull light allowing me to see that it wasn't empty, in fact, there was a lot of people in it and they were all looking at me. I could feel all their eyes investigating my body. Out of fear and instinct I tired to cover my body with my arms. It made the crowd laugh. I started to recognize faces, Eric, Jeannie, Marcus, other Dauntless members, the good people of Abnegation and Marcus again, and again and again, somehow he was everywhere, there were copies of him. His stare was vicious. I remembered what I was doing__**, my final test**__, I had to calm down. I tried to think about my fear of being looked at, I realized it came from a lack of confidence. What gave me confidence? Singing because it was a way to express myself, it helped me feel strong. I stood straight, let me arms fall to me side and started to sing. The people vanished and so did my fear. _

_My next fear was back at Marcus's home. I guess this was a fear that I just couldn't shake, part of me would always fear him. I started to scrub the kitchen floor hoping to please him. I heard the clunking of his steps before for I saw him angry face. I scrubbed the floor harder to show him I was trying my best. It didn't matter. He took off his belt, raised it high and let it strike down on my back. It felt so real. I could barely breathe before the next lash came. I focused. I stopped cleaning, I got off the floor and looked him in the eyes. "You can't do this anymore." I said to him. I took a step at him but before I could hit him, he vanished, the fear was over. _

_I almost didn't know this was a new fear because it was at the same home. This time, I wasn't cleaning, I was just waiting. I heard the front door slam and saw him approach me. He was moving so fast, faster than in real life, like the simulation knew my fear was irrational now, I could easily kill him if I needed to, so he had to be stronger and faster than normal. He pinned me down, ripping away at my clothes. I screamed and struggled against him. "I know what you are," he spat at me. "You vile girl, I know what you really are." At his words I stilled. I wasn't just afraid of the simulation but what those watching it would think he meant by that. I had to think of something fast, "Yeah, I'm Dauntless," I said kicking him in the groin and throwing him off me. _

_I was standing on the edge of Abnegation, it was burning, and the entire Abnegation section of the city was in chaos. I could hear them screaming. The nicest people in the world were screaming out of fear, anguish and pain. There was nothing I could do, the fire already consumed every building. I couldn't help them. A tear fell down my cheek. I turned and walked away from my old home, it was gone. _

_Standing outside my childhood home, I already knew what this fear would be. The front door was wide open, just as it had been the day they disappeared. I ran inside to find the mystery that haunted my dreams- furniture over turned, the house a mess and my parents missing. I was alone. There was no one. Just me. I had been abandoned or at least that is what it felt like. I looked around. What could have happened here? But instead of doing what I normally did in my dreams, I walked out of the house, heard a train coming, ran and jumped on. I rode it until it was time to jump off onto the initiation rooftop. When I did, I woke up, no longer alone but home. _

I woke up to murmurs and some awkward clapping. Five fears, I only had five fears. I sat up a little dizzy, I tried to stand but fell back into the chair. I was exhausted, all my muscles ached and my head throbbed. I looked up and saw that Max, Eric and Jeannie had approached me.

"You did a fantastic job," said Jeanine. "Fastest initiate of the group and least number of fears."

"Thank you," I managed to mumble out.

She nodded to me and turned her back to me. She engaged Max in a conversation I couldn't hear. Eric smirked at me. It sent a shiver down my back. I hated knowing he saw my simulation, it was an invasion of privacy, plus he probably got a kick out of seeing himself in my first fear.

I stood up quickly wanting to escape him, to get out of this room and leave the final test behind me. I started to walk to the door when I felt an arm grab me, I turned angrily thinking that Eric followed me but it was Four. He didn't let me go but helped steady me out of the room.

"You did great," he said. "I think you're safe."

I smiled, his words reassured me. "I'm almost as fearless as you," I said cutely.

I saw a real smile on his face. He pulled us into out of the hallway into a dark room. His lips met mine. I was surprised by his sudden loss of control but I loved it. Once we broke apart he rested his forehead on mine. "I don't like the way Eric touches and looks at you," he said while gently letting his fingertips strokes my neck. I knew that must have meant he saw Eric touching me earlier.

"Do you think that he'll loose interest when I'm no longer an initiate because I wont be an easy target anymore?" I asked.

"No," responded Four, "I don't think he'll ever loose interest in you, how could he?"

A shiver ran down my spin. Four's compliment was endearing and terrible, I don't always want to be on Eric's radar. We stayed that way for a while, I could have stayed that way forever but we had to had to go to the pit, the leaders had to make the announcement on which initiates made it.

The moment we got to the pit, we separated not wanting to draw attention to our relationship or whatever it was. It wasn't appropriate and I already got too much attention. I stood next to Christina and Will.

"How did it go?" I asked them but before they could respond Max started his speech. I didn't pay attention to it, too anxious to see the ranks. Once the list appeared I saw I was ranked first. Following the list down, both Will and Christina did well. I allowed myself to relax and smile, we made it.

They ordered the initiates and other Dauntless members into lines to get a tracking serum injected. I found it weird that everyone was getting injected and not just the initiates but figured it was just an updated serum that was better at its job. When it was my turn to be injected, Eric let his fingers graze on my neck before he leaned in and whispered, "This wont work on you will it?"

His words told me a few things at once, this was not a tracking serum and he knew my secret. Fear devoured me.

"What do you mean?" I asked trying to sound casual but knew my eyes were giving me away.

"I know what you are," he whispered in my ear while injecting me.


	14. Chapter 14

I stood petrified as Eric stared into my eyes while injecting my neck with the "tracking" serum. Every good emotion I felt in the past 24 hours was gone, I couldn't even remember that there was such a thing as happiness, I only knew one thing, fear. In reality, this quiet moment was only seconds, just enough time to take in one deep breath but it was agony. I needed to get away from him but didn't know how.

"I don't know what you mean," I managed to get out.

"Yes," he said, his stare intensifying, "You do know what I mean."

I couldn't speak so I just shook my head in denial.

"And after tonight, everyone else will know too," Eric hinted. He released me from his grasp and pushed towards the exit of the pit.

Tonight? Why did he tell me when they were going to use the control serum, if that is indeed what this is? Was he helping me? There was so much to consider, he knew what I am but hasn't killed me yet. But the bigger problem wasn't about me, it was about the hundreds of Dauntless members that were about to be controlled. They were going to be stripped of their free will and probably forced to be murders. I had to do something but I didn't know what.

Just as I reached one of the hallways leading out the Pit Christina and Will stopped me.

"ANNA!" should Christina. "We did it! Ahhh! I can't believe it!"

She was holding hands with Will. Their small embrace made my heart glow and then shatter. What was going to happen to them tonight? Could I stop it? Christina and Will where chattering away at me with huge smiles on my face. I tried to seem enthusiastic and carefree like them but I wasn't doing a good job. Neither of my friends noticed but Four could tell from where he stood with his friends about ten feet away that something was wrong. He walked up to us.

"Congratulations," he said to all of us then turned to me, "You know Anna, there are a lot of job opportunities with your high rankings. Would you like to discuss them?" He was perfect. He knew, somehow, that I couldn't talk about my issues with my friends, that I need him, alone. I nodded and followed him down the hall after giving Christina and Will a quick wave. I followed him in silence the entire way to his apartment.

As soon as he locked the door behind me I relaxed my fake, strong exterior and allowed the flood of emotions to consume me: panic, fear, concern, confusion and anger. I found myself sitting on the floor staring out one of the windows that had a majestic view of the city with quite tears falling from my face. Four stood looking down at me. He was rocking on his feet, anxiety or concern were not allowing him to sit next to me. I took a deep breath and started the story.

"Dauntless members have just been injected with the control serum, which will be activated and used tonight," I took in another breath trying to calm myself. "When Eric injected me, he told me it wouldn't work on me because of what I am. He knows what I am and said everyone else will know tonight. He didn't tell me anything directly but he was trying to give me information. I don't think he was lying or trying to scare me. I think," I said looking away from the city, away from my home that was about to be submerged into disastrous chaos, and looking into the face of the man I loved, I knew it then, I did love Four, "I think he was trying to warn me, to what end I don't know but we can't waste this knowledge. We can't sit by and let it happen."

He gave me a quick nod; I knew he was already planning what our next moves should be. We needed to shut down the serum before it was activated, or try to. I couldn't bare the thought of my friends being forced to murder, stripped of everything that makes them, themselves, just shells of humans, robotic killers. And, if we did get to it before it was activated, there would be no way for anyone to find out who was Divergent and for the time being, I'd be safe.

"We're going to need help," he said. "But it can't be just anybody. They will need to trust our word without a lot of proof because we don't have any. They will need to be able to keep a secret and unfortunately there can't be too many people because it will tip off the ones leading the serum project."

"I think Will, Christina, Zeke and Uriah will help. The rest will have to be up to you, I don't know anyone here."

"You go get Will and Christina, I'll get Zeke, Uriah and few others, be quick and discreet. Come straight back here." He was short and to the point.

I made it back to his apartment with Will and Christina before him. I filled them in on everything except about what I was. Even if we won today, it wouldn't mean being a Divergent was going to be suddenly safe, the less people that knew the better. Both of them were rubbing their necks where they were injected with the control serum and fear seeped from their eyes.

"I know, I never would have thought that Dauntless would do something like this. We're supposed to protect everyone in the city not control them. I think that the leaders have been manipulated my Erudite," I explained to them.

"So, what are they going to do with us once we are under their control?" Will asked trying to get the entire picture.

"I think they are going to have us attack Abnegation," even saying it made me feel sick. "Poor, defenseless Abnegation doesn't stand a chance if we can't stop the attack before it happens."

"We'll do whatever we can, just tell us what to do," said Christina. She was so loyal. Best friend I ever could have asked for.

"I don't know what is going to happen, we will have to take lead from Four." I said.

Four brought back a handful of people I didn't know. Some of them seemed to be surprised that Will, Christina and I were there but for the most part the greetings were pleasant. Zeke walked up to me and bumped me in the shoulder.

"Always knew you'd be a good one to be friends with," Zeke said with a cool smile. I didn't understand how he was so relaxed when so much was about to happen. "Thanks for letting us all know," he said in a softer, quieter voice so only he and I could hear, "and not just running to save your own skin. Four told me Eric knows what you are, you being here still is very dangerous."

"I know," I said. "But it wasn't really an option to leave, I can't abandon my faction, my friends, my family."

"Damn straight," he said laughing and punching me in the shoulder, "You are one of the truest Dauntless I've ever met, no matter what."

That made me smile, knowing that although something about me made me different, I could still be accepted and be one of them. He didn't treat me like a plague; he treated me like a Dauntless. Honestly, at the core of every faction, there are common traits. I couldn't protect the people in the city without being selfless. I wouldn't want to protect strangers if I didn't have love in my heart. I couldn't process situations quick enough to do my job of protecting if I wasn't smart. And I wouldn't know whom to protect without judgment. Everything is connected, it just seems that not everyone can see it.

"What do you think we should do?" I asked Four.

"Well, obviously, we need to get to the computers to stop the serum but it's going to be difficult and maybe even impossible," he said to the group.

"So, we need time and backup incase it doesn't work," I said processing all the variables of what is needed to attack an entire factions. "If they don't have weapons for us to use, it wont be as easy for us to kill Abnegation quickly or efficiently."

Four smiled.

"Good idea, Anna. We need to send a group to acquire and hide all weapons. That will definitely hinder the attack."

"Also, I don't know if it is possible, I don't know who controls them but we have to GET to Abnegation somehow… Can we stop the trains?" I asked. "Break them or control them ourselves?"

"They are controlled by Erudite," said Zeke. "But I've seen the schematics online, I think we can't break it." His grin was a tell-all, he was plotting some destruction of his own.

"Good," I said looking back to Four. "And if we can't warn Dauntless because it'll be suspicious and cause the leaders to turn on the controlling serum early, we have to warn those who are not injected. We have to warn Abnegation." The thought made my skin cold. The best way to warn and protect them would be to contact Marcus.

"Agreed," Four said. "Anna and I will go for the computers, try to shut it down. Will, Christina, Uriah and Tori, I think you should go for the weapons. Zeke go to Abnegation, warn them, try to help them find a safe place to hide. Shawna, Lauren and Chris, talk with Zeke and stop the trains. Sound good?"

"I…" everyone looked at me as I started to talk, I was the only person with objections. "I think I should be the one to go to Abnegation. They'll listen to me and I have an idea of where to hide them."

"Where?" asked Tori, a slightly intimidating tattoo artist. Her eyes were as sharp as the needles to uses to decorate people's bodies.

"With the Factionless."

Everyone but Four and Christina laughed.

"Why would the Factionless help Abnegation? They can't even look after themselves." Tori questioned me.

"The Factionless will help me. They know me and I know them. They may be the lost souls of this city but they are good people. They will shelter those who dedicate their lives to keeping them alive; they will return the favor to Abnegation. They may seem to be isolated even from each other, but it's just an illusion, they are a community, they are a collective, a faction of sorts." I spoke with such conviction that the room was quiet for a moment in thought.

"I don't think you should be alone tonight," Four said quietly but forceful.

"I don't need anyone else to get my job done, I know who to go to in Abnegation that will listen and who in the Factionless. The other jobs are more complicated and dangerous, they need more people on them. Besides, you and Zeke are the best with computers after working in the control room, if one of you gets hurt, the other will still be there to continue," I said rationally.

"But…" Four started to counter.

"We don't have time to debate. I'm small, less noticeable, I can get around the city easier than Zeke. This is a better option," I knew I was right, and he knew too, I could tell.

"Okay, make your plans within your small groups," Four said defeated. "Keep all things about tonight within this group. We can't risk being stopped, this is life or death."

Four came to talk to me as the others planned. We stepped out of earshot and stood close.

"I really don't like that we won't be together during this. I can't protect you when you aren't with me," his voice sounded like he was in physical pain.

"Who says I need protection?" I asked trying to sound light hearted.

"I'm afraid of you being with _him_. I think more afraid of that than the serum being turned on," his fingers were gently caressing my arm.

"He's not going to do anything when the situation is so dire. And I'm not going to him first, I'll meet with the Factionless, tell them what's happening and then to go Abnegation."

"I don't trust him," he said.

"If it'll make you feel better, I'll make sure that someone meets with us. I'll get the Priors to join me with Marcus, they're on the committee and very kind," I assured him.

"Do that and then come back to me," he said.

"Don't worry about me," I whispered looking up into his face, memorizing it hoping it wouldn't be the last time I saw him. "Just focus on stopping the simulation. Be safe. We need you, I need you."

We stared into each other's eyes, allowing ourselves to be open and vulnerable to each other. I wished we were alone. I wanted to touch him, to kiss him, to wash away all traces Marcus left on my skin, I wanted to connect to Four in a way I've never been with anyone. But it wasn't the time. I rose up on my toes, kissed him gently and said, "I should go, the sooner they're warned the better."

He grabbed me one of his black zip-up sweatshirts and a backpack with water, maps of the city and a little food. I was puzzled by the provisions he gave me. "Just in case," he whispered to me. "We don't know how anything is going to turn out, if it ends badly, you shouldn't return until the simulation is over. Less likely for you to get noticed."

I hugged Christina good-bye and wished everyone luck. I didn't know what anyone else's plans were but incase they failed, I had to succeeded in mine. Four walked me to an exit and looked at his watch.

"A train will be here in two minutes," his voice still soft. His fingers touched my face one last time, I closed my eyes soaking up the feeling. His touch, no matter how fleeting or gentle warmed my skin and raced my pulse. I felt his lips on mine; it started out gentle but became more urgent. We were both afraid that it would be the last time we would see each other.

I could hear the train coming up.

"This crazy, spur of the moment, plan better work," I said.

"He better not touch you or I will kill him," he responded.

The train was now only fifty feet down the tracks, I had to start running to be able to catch it.

"Goodbye Tobias," I said with one more, quick kiss.

Here I was, running from the man I loved, to the one that terrorized the both of us. As I leapt onto the train I wondered if my life would ever make sense.


	15. Chapter 15

**Note: I'm sorry that I haven't been updating regularly. A lot is going to happen in the next three chapters so, hopefully I'll get them out quickly so it doesn't disrupt the movement of the story!**

It was a quiet, eerie twenty minutes on the train before it was time for me to jump off. I could hear the repetition of wheels meeting the track, feel power shaking through the iron rails, and became chill in the growing darkness. I was anxious to be moving, I almost considered jumping off and running to find the Factionless but I knew that the train was faster. I sat looking out of the train's car watching the city glide by. I felt like I was born to fill this role. Nothing seemed more natural or right than trying to protect others, to remind the city it's real purpose: to live in harmony, not immersed in power struggles.

Finally, it was time to jump, time for action, and time to see if my abilities can meet expectations. My feet hit the ground running and I didn't stop until I was at the door of a large, run down building that used to be an apartment complex before the city was divided into factions. The windows were either missing or boarded. The brick was covered in overgrown ivy and crumbling under age. Honestly, it was a beautiful building, you could see its story, its life.

I knocked on the door. It may seem like a silly thing, to knock on an abandoned building's door but this was one of the main homes for the Factionless. It is respectful to knock, it shows you understand this is theirs and you are a guest. Our society may have stripped them of a lot of rights but they are still humans.

I heard shuffling from behind the door. It cracked open and I could see a sliver of someone's face peaking through.

"Hello, I'm Anna and I would like to speak with Cassandra, please," I said kindly. I tried to eliminate all authority from my voice. The door shut once I finished speaking and I heard movement behind it. Cassandra was a woman I helped a lot when I was in Abnegation. She told me about their way of life, it wasn't scattered or disorganized but structured like a faction, an underground faction. They had homes all around the city, hidden in more areas than just the Factionless sector. They were smart, used what little resources they had to keep their population a live. In fact, I think they may have the most people out of any faction.

The door swung open wide this time. It shocked me, causing me to step back. A tall woman with dark penetrating eyes, greasy tied back black hair, light skin and pointed features, stood strong and boldly in the center of the door. Behind her I saw many people gathered around her, I was unsure whether for protection or curiosity, but I thought it was wonderful to see their commandership.

"Anna, dear, have you come to join us? I thought I heard on the streets that you were doing well at your transfer faction," Cassandra said without moving from the door.

"No, I've actually come to ask for help." I said humbly, glancing down at my hands. Cassandra was the strongest woman I have ever met and I felt small in her gaze, I always did, even when I was the one helping her. I looked back up at the group, they all have very puzzled looks. "May I come in? It is a long story and we do not have very much time." I glanced around on the streets to make sure no one was around. "It would be safest for all of us, if I wasn't seen, please."

She didn't even hesitate to step aside, making a path for me to enter. She knew me and knew I was trust worthy. The air was hotter, stuffier and smelt like human feces inside the building. I focused on keeping my face relaxed and not disgusted, I did not want these people to be offended. I took deep, purposeful breathes allowing myself to become immune to the aroma.

I was lead to a room with no furniture, no windows, and only one door. My heart quickened at the idea of only one exit, one of me and all these people who are bitter against the system but I reminded myself that I had bigger concerns than my own life.

They lit a few candles to illuminate the room. It caused some areas of the room to glow warmly and other areas to have dark, ominous shadows. I sat cross-legged on the ground. Cassandra sat in front of me and many others filled the room.

"Abnegation needs your help," I started. "Erudite is going to control Dauntless soldiers with a serum and force them to attack and kill Abnegation. We have had an idea that something was going on but had no idea the gravity of the situation until tonight. There is a small resistance of Dauntless members who have found out the plan and are trying to stop the attack before it happens. Some are going to the computers to try to deactivate the serum, others are hiding the weapons and more are stopping the trains. But I find it very unlikely that we are going to be successful. There are so few of us working on a last minute plan to derail a plan that has been slowly crafted by the smartest, most vile people in the city."

I paused, realizing I didn't ease them into this declaration of destruction and hopelessness. Cassandra seemed to be thinking hard but others in the room looked in disbelief.

"I know I haven't produced any proof, just my word but you have to believe me. Erudite are tired of Abnegation being in control. They want to eliminate them. After Abnegation is gone, I think it will be easier for them to complete their real plan, the eradication of all Divergent." After my last declaration there was some uproar in the room. It had always been my assumption that many Divergents ran away from the faction system for their personal safety. That would mean, that Eurdites mission to kill all Divergents was personal for the Factionless.

A woman next to Cassandra, one who I didn't know personally but looked familiar raised her hand to silence the group. The room immediately was silent. This woman had power. She must be the leader or a high-ranking member of the Factionless. Her eyes were a warm brown, her hair matched her eyes, she wasn't as tall or thin as Cassandra, and she was softer, reminding me of a mother. But when her eyes looked into mine, I had a shiver run down my spin, she may look like a mother but she was all business.

"My name is Evelyn," the woman said to me. "I know who you are, no need to fill me in. What exactly did you come here for?"

"After I leave here," I said, "I am going to warn Abnegation about the attack. I came to ask you to help me hide them."

"When?"

"The attack happens tonight, so immediately."

"Why should we?" she asked but it did not seem like a cruel question, she was just very straightforward.

"Abnegation has always helped the Factionless and you know that if they could, they would have given you so much more. They would not have had you isolated from city life or kept you starving. They need your help; you are their biggest chance for survival. Is helping because they are the most genuine, good, kind individuals in the city, not enough?" I asked. When I came on this mission I was almost certain that it was going to work, but now I wasn't positive.

"If you will leave us for just a moment, I need to speak with my associates," She said to me.

I nodded and walked out the door, closing it behind me. She wants something out of this. She wasn't naturally good-natured like Cassandra. She wasn't going to do this just to help those who dedicated their lives to helping her. I know Cassandra would have helped in a heartbeat, no questions but this Evelyn woman wanted something. I was worried, we didn't need another power greedy person in the mix. But then again, we did need them.

It was only minutes later when the door opened again. Evelyn walked out.

"We will help them," she said. "I suggest you hurry to Abnegation, tell them what you have told us. We will gather ourselves, send word out and discretely move them. We will not come as a large group because it would attract attention. Expect one or two of our members to go to each home to collect each family. We will disperse them to our safe houses around the city. We will meet tomorrow afternoon, here, to decide what is next. I expect you to appear whether or not tonight is successful."

"Thank you," was all I said before I turned to run out of the building. I didn't know what she was going to ask for in return for her attempt to save a faction of lives but I was apprehensive. I was also apprehensive that I wasn't going to know where every member of Abnegation was, but splitting them up was definitely the smartest plan to keep the greatest amount of them safe.

I ran along side the buildings, slowing at each corner to make sure no one was coming. It was only a five-minute run to Abnegation. When I reached the outskirts of the sector, I stopped. It looked so quaint and peaceful; they were so blissfully ignorant of what was going to happen next. I didn't need to be sneaky when I walked along the streets of Abnegation; they were all in their homes, probably sleeping.

I found the Prior's home. I knocked on their door. The sound seemed to echo through the entire city. I knocked again, even though I heard movement inside, I wanted them to know they didn't imagine the sound. The door swung open, they were not afraid of who would be knocking on their door in the middle of the night. It caused a lump in the throat. We had to save these people.

Mr. Prior and Mrs. Prior were both at the door. They looked at me with shocked looks on their faces.

"Anna?" Mr. Prior said quizzically.

"You remember me," I said with a small smile.

"Of course," responded Mrs. Prior. "What's going on? Are you all right? Would you like to come in? I can make you some tea."

"No," I said shaking my head. "I have come to see if you two will accompany me to Marcus' home. There is something very important that I need to tell all of you." I was looking quickly back and forth between both of their faces. Looking at their faces made me want to cry, it made me miss my parents and miss Abnegation. "Please, its life or death," I added quickly.

They quickly changed, and followed me down the street to Marcus' home. Being so close to the home where I had the worst, most traumatic years of my life took a toll on my. I started to shake. I knew the Priors could see it but they didn't say anything. So much for being over my fear of Marcus, I thought to myself, I thought that standing up for myself on family day set me free but it looks like it's always going to be a battle. It made me feel ashamed.

I knocked on the door; again, it was too loud for the quiet, sleeping city. Marcus opened the door after a few moments. His eyes met mine, they were round with shock but there was an expression of pleasure in his irises.

"Anna, you came back to me," he said.


	16. Chapter 16

Every inch of my body was telling me to run, run away from this man, from this home, from my past but I knew I couldn't do that. I had to stay to save the lives of the innocent, to right the wrongs of this city. I was not important, my fear was not important but my mission was.

"I didn't come back to," I said. "But I do have some information that will be very important to you, can we come in?" I emphasized the "we". He needed to be on his best behavior to save the people of Abnegation. He kept looking at me like I was going to disappear before his eyes, if I wasn't smarter, I would be foolish enough to believe that he was looking at me with love rather than ownership. He wasn't moving, I wasn't even sure he was breathing.

"Please Marcus, let us in," Mr. Prior said from behind me. "I want to know what young, little Anna has to say in the middle of the night. It must be important."

Inwardly I smiled because Mr. Prior emphasized "young" and "little". I probably should be offended, I am 16 years old after all, but I knew his motives. He wanted to remind Marcus that in comparison to them, I was young, too young for any kind of relationship that Marcus desired. He was protecting me. It made me wonder how much he knew and then wonder, how long did he know?

Marcus allowed us in. I gestured for them to sit at the dinning room table. I made a quick pot of tea for everyone. The kitchen was exactly the same. It mirrored the nightmares and fear serums I endured during my not-so-long-ago Dauntless initiation. I pushed back the memories of lying on the floor crying out in pain, desperate for it to end. I walked back to the dinning room, poured the tea and let the story pour out of me.

"We need to send a message to every house in Abnegation, letting them know that they have to follow the Factionless that comes to get them. If you all don't go into hiding immediately, you are likely to die, tonight," I finished looking into their faces, each crinkled with wrinkles of worry. I drank my tea.

"Are you sure," asked Mr. Prior.

"With out a doubt," I confirmed.

"We need to go first to everyone on the council and have everyone on the council make the rounds to the homes. We can't have too many people out on the streets or it would be suspicious incase they are watching us," stated Mrs. Prior. She was quick minded and alert, I noted. It made me curious if Abnegation was her original faction.

"Agreed," Said Mr. Prior. "Marcus do you have maps? We should plan it quick and systematically. We can't leave anything to chance."

Marcus, although the true leader of Abnegation was the last person to speak or act, showing his true cowardice. He wasn't as smart or quick as the others, or maybe I just thought that because I was prejudice against him.

"Can we trust the Factionless?" Marcus asked me while laying out a map of Abnegation.

"I think it is our only option," I said. "I am a bit worried about the leader but I don't think we have time to question her motives at the moment. We have to make it through tonight to plan how to survive tomorrow."

Mr. Prior was marking each member of the council's homes. Then outlining a route of homes for each council member to take on their mission to warn the citizens. I could almost see his brain working, the knobs turning. He was staying so cool under the pressure and I realized, Erudite, he had to have come from Erudite. It made me feel better that we had someone one our side who can think the way they do.

I realized I had nothing to do. I finished my job, I warned Abnegation and I found a way to hide them. I didn't think it would be a smart idea to try to sneak back into Dauntless tonight, there was too big of a possibility that I would get caught. Besides, I didn't actually want to leave Abnegation now that I was here.

"If you don't mind," I said the group, "I would like to keep a look out. If I see any Dauntless or Erudite coming this way I can give you all a signal telling you not to wait for the Factionless, that you should just run, hide anywhere."

The Priors nodded in agreement but Marcus spoke a contrary belief, "I don't think you should be alone during the attack, you would be too vulnerable. You should come with me and after we warn and see the homes in my section of Abnegation are to safety, come into hiding with me."

"I will not hide while my friends are turned into brainless soldiers bending at every command and every wish of the Eurdites," as I spoke I realized two things, I realized I had admitted the serum was not going to work on me and that Marcus must have already known that. He must have known because he was willing to go into hiding with me while the simulation was enacted. He knew. He knew. He _knew_.

How did everyone seem to know my secret? Was Divergent tattooed on my forehead? Was there something I didn't know? I hated the idea that Marcus knew I was Divergent because that meant, like Eric, he had information on me that dictated the course of events in my life.

"You should not put yourself in such a vulnerable position, Anna," Marcus scolded me.

"You don't get to make my decisions for me," I said back. My fear of him was eliminating and angry filled me. "It is better for me to keep watch because then, if the attack comes before everyone is evacuated, we wont be caught by surprise." I turned to the Priors, "Keep a look out at the roofs on Monroe Street, if I see anyone who shouldn't be here, I'll start a fire to signal it."

Without waiting for any more comments, I left. I quickly found myself on the roof of the house on the edge of Abnegation's borders. I had a pretty good view of the streets that Erudite controlled Dauntless would have to come down for the attack. Part of me wished the Marcus would die tonight, life would just be so much easier knowing he wasn't breathing the same air as me, feeling the same sun or living on the same land. Did that make me a bad person? Should we ever really wish for the death of someone? I felt conflicted and disappointed in myself.

The city was quiet allowing me to think clearly. I wondered how everyone else's jobs were going. Were they successful? Were they safe? What if Four was hurt? I couldn't let my thoughts linger on that, it was just too painful to think about.

Mr. Prior's plan would take approximately 20 minutes, if everyone they talked to didn't ask questions. It was efficient. I squinted down to the streets. I could see a few people walking door-to-door, they would knock, go into the home and minutes later leave. It gave me hope.

About 30 minutes after I got onto the roof, I noticed families being lead out of town by the Factionless. The plan was working. I couldn't believe it. Five, ten, fifteen, twenty families heading towards safety—could it really be this easy?

Of course it couldn't. I had to remember that this was my plan and things are never so simple. There was movement in the streets. It may have been almost morning but the sky was still dark, this wasn't movement because of early birds heading off to work, no, this was Erudite on the attack. One good thing was that I realized I hadn't heard the train come by, it should have at least twice since I got here. The others were able to slow the attack down. Also, I saw that very few of those coming down the street had weapons. I knew this didn't mean that Abnegation was safe, no, Dauntless were trained to kill with their hands. I quickly lit the fire that I had build earlier. As an added precaution, I grabbed a burning log and raised it high in the air. In the fading darkness I saw the remaining Abnegation running. I hoped that they would make it. I had to make myself believe that they would, they are too good of people to die.

"Anna!" the voice made me jump, there hadn't been much sound, everyone had seemed to understand that stealth was the best option. "Anna! Get down here," I realized it was Marcus.

I leaned over the edge of the building, saw him waving me down and looking very anxious. As much as I didn't want to be near him, I realized he might have new information for me. I climbed down the side of the building and landed next to him.

"What?" I whispered harshly.

"We need to go," he said.

"What?" I questioned surprised. "I can't leave, my friends are being controlled, I need to be here, do something, I don't know, I can't just run away!"

"You have to run away because your friends are under control," He said seriously. "I did something stupid. I was mad at you. I thought that if I couldn't have you that no one would."

"Meaning?" I asked warily.

"I told them what you are, if they see you, they are going to kill you. When I saw you tonight I realized I made a mistake, you are mine and I can't let them kill you. You came back to me," he said reaching to caress my hair.

I smacked his hand away. "I did not come back to you. I came to save the innocent people of Abnegation, key word, innocent, I could care less about _you_." I stepped away from him. I can't believe he told them what I am! I knew I didn't mess up in initiation, I knew I was careful, it was all him! He was always going to find a way to torture me! I was furious.

Cassandra ran up to us. "Looks like you are with me," she said. "Are you going to come Anna? You are more than welcome to."

"No," I said. "But you should take him before I kill him." Slowly I could hear the repetitive footsteps of the advancing Dauntless. "Go now," I said again.

They left me alone. I didn't know what I was going to do. I started running through the streets, trying to find if there was any more Abnegation left that needed hiding. It appeared that everyone was gone but I wasn't going to leave until I was sure. I started opening front doors and shouting the quietest hello I could. House after house I ran. I knew the Dauntless were be hind me but I didn't even look around to see. There was one more house on the corner to check then I would find a good vantage point and watch the scene that was happening around me. Or at least that was my plan.

I started for the door when I saw something move in the bushes to the left of the house. Apprehensively I walked over and whispered; "hello?" the bushes rustled more. Who ever it was, apparently was not a very good hider. I moved the branches to reveal a little girl. She couldn't have been more than five. She was shaking, crying and looked up at me with large eyes. Her blond hair was knotted in an Abnegation bun.

"Hello, I'm Anna," I said to her.

"Sarah," she said quietly.

I looked around, there was no one. Where was her family? How could she have been left behind? It doesn't make sense. "Why are you alone Sarah?"

"We were running and I fell behind. I-I-I got lost," She said.

"Shh," I soothed. "It'll be alright, I will help you find your family. But we have to get out of here, now."

I helped her out of the bushes, picked her up and started running. I was never far ahead of the Dauntless and I knew I couldn't hesitate. I looked around quickly, saw a face peer out of a building two blocks away, it must have been a Factionless safe house, or so I hopes. I ran for it. Sarah held onto me tightly. She wasn't heavy but she did slow me down. When I reached the corner I didn't slow down to check to see if the intersecting street was clear—I should have. There were ten Dauntless patrolling the area and they had seen me.


	17. Chapter 17

It was foolish of me not to be aware of my surroundings. By not checking around the corner I didn't just put my life in danger, I put Sarah's in jeopardy as well. But I couldn't really sit around and beat myself up about it, I didn't have the time. I had to think of a solution fast. I had two responsibilities, Sarah and keeping the safe house location hidden. I knew at the core of my being that I couldn't sacrifice either; it would be the end of me if I failed either. Knowing this, I knew I had only one option.

I set Sarah down, crouched so my face was on the same level as hers and gently held her cheeks so she was looking at me. "I need to you to be brave, do you think you can do that?" I asked her, looking into her fragile blue eyes. She nodded. "You see that building over there," I pointed directing her eyes to where I had seen the face in the window. "You need to run as fast as you can to that building. Don't knock, just go in and shut the door quickly. There will be people in there. Tell them where you live and who your parents are they will help you." I waited for her to comprehend the plan. "Just run straight there, go in, don't hesitate," I reminded her. "You can do this, it's easy, just like a game."

"What are you going to do?" she asked.

"On the count of three, start running," I said ignoring her question. She nodded. "One, two, three." She started running in the direction of the safe house and I started running towards the Dauntless soldiers. I didn't have time to see if she made it in the house because I couldn't risk the soldiers having a chance to turn the corner to see. I had to meet them, distract them, keep their lingering eyes away from the safe house.

I turned the corner, just a few moments before the Dauntless soldiers were going to meet it. I didn't recognize their faces but part of me believes it would be hard to recognize them even if I had known them. Their faces were blank, void of emotion, expression, personality, _humanity_. The looks on their faces, the way they moved, how they held themselves suggested that they had lost their souls, they were no longer themselves. In a panic I thought of Four. It was my assumption that he was Divergent, I hope I was right because it crushed my heart to think that he could be turned into something like people in front of me. If he was what I thought he was, he could still be working on shutting the program down, he could still be fighting to give these people back their life. But until then, I would have to treat them, as they appear, soulless killing machines.

I took them off guard by running to meet them, allowing me to easily knock two of them unconscious, unfortunately there was just too many of them. I fought I hard, I fought until there was no more light and my mind was just a black canvas of unconsciousness. I could only hope, Sarah made it to the safe house because there was no way for me to help her now.

My thoughts surfaced unorganized and inconsistent. My brain felt heavy in my skull, like it was pressing on my eyes, hoping to squeeze them out of my head to make more room for itself. My throat felt like sandpaper and with each swallow the sandpaper rubbed and irritated itself. Every joint in my body was sore, feeling swollen like an over filled water balloon making it difficult to move. I was in so much pain and I couldn't remember why. I searched my mind for my most recent memories, Dauntless, Erudite, Abnegation, Sarah. Immediately I sat up and wrenched my eyes open.

I was on the floor of an all white room that held no furniture, laid home to no windows but did have what appeared to be a small camera watching me. The room was small, about 6 feet by 3 feet. When I went to the door I tried to open it but, of course, it was locked. I was trapped in this room. Room may not be the right word for it, maybe closet or cell was more appropriate.

There was nothing I could do but wait for my captives to come to me. I sat with my back against the wall. I closed my eyes and tried to focus on feeling better.

Who had me?

That seemed like a silly question. Obviously Erudite, right? Because the people I was fighting last were Dauntless soldiers being controlled by Erudite. But there was a chance that the corrupt Dauntless leaders were holding me hostage to set an example to the others, do no rebel or we will kill you. There was no way for me to know what the state of the city was like. I think all the Abnegation found safety but what happened after that? How did Erudite retaliate? What happened to the Dauntless that failed their mission? What happened to my friends who stopped them? I felt so lost. I felt like a book with chapters ripped out of it, incomplete and broken.

I sat in silence for a long time, I had no way of knowing how long because I had no watch and their was no way to see the sun. Out of nowhere a thought assaulted my mind. Marcus's confession, he told Erudite or Dauntless that I was Divergent. Who ever has me, probably knows. I was in dangers path with nowhere to go.

My throat felt like it was four sizes too big for my body. I was so thirsty. If I didn't get water soon, I was sure my body was going to start to shut down.

Time played no role in my reality. I could not tell apart a minute to an hour, all I knew is I was dying. I needed water, food, something. I looked up to the camera filming me, my pride kept me from begging into the lens for help, even if I desperately needed it.

Once the door opened, I was beyond too weak to fight. I didn't even stand. My head that had been resting on both the wall behind my back and the wall that connected to it at the corner shifted just enough to see who it was. His blue eyes looked down on me, they didn't seem vicious but sorrowful. But I didn't trust myself to judge emotion at this point, hell, I didn't even trust myself that Eric was standing in front of me, he could have just been a hallucination.

But he wasn't, a hallucination I mean. He was real, as strong and broad shouldered as ever and carrying a tray of food. I didn't say anything and he didn't either at first. He stepped in the tiny room, guided the door close with his foot and sat down. Between us he placed the tray. It held two glasses of water, a piece of bread, an apple, and a patty of meat. I didn't take anything; food and water seemed too good to be true.

He finally broke the silence that stilled the air around us, "Eat, drink," his voice was authorities and quick.

Obeying, figuring they can't punish me for eating if I was told to, I reached out my hand for a glass of water. My hand shook; embarrassed I put all efforts into steadying it. When I warped my fingers around the cup, I tried to lift it. I couldn't control my shaking hand and some spilled. I quickly set it back down without taking a drink. Water was too precious to waste and I wondered if I would shake so much after eating. I grabbed the bread and took a bit. You would think that after not eating for who knows how long I would feel immediately better after the first swallow but the opposite happened, my stomach lurched in agony of playing house to something more than air. I ate slowly and through the pain because I knew I needed it. All the while Eric watched me.

After my piece of bread I went for the water again. My hand still shook but I couldn't wait, lifting the glass to my face I spilled some but not much because once seeing my distress at the waste Eric also grabbed the glass to help my steady it. He guided it to my lips. Whether because the water felt so good or because I was in such a pathetic state that I couldn't drink water on my own, tears started for form in my eyes.

My gaze met Eric's; I took a deep breath and wiped away my tears. I cannot be weak, if I am here to be sentenced to death I must be myself, strong, not let them win. If I am here to somehow escape later, I must be myself; strong, not let them win. No matter what the outcome of these events are, I knew, I know, Erudite and Dauntless betrayers will not get the best of me.

I picked up the patty of meat; I think it was hamburger without a bun. I nibbled on it and finally spoke, "What is going on?" My voice was scratchy, vile and small—so much for trying to appear strong.

"Could you be anymore vague," taunted Eric, but he had a boyish smile on his face. I shot him a death look and his grin grew.

"You are currently in Erudite headquarters, you are a prisoner here," he stated simply.

"And what am I being held for?" I asked him, causing him to laugh, to actually laugh.

"Well, lets see, "he said pausing for dramatic effect, "plotting and partaking in a plan to disrupt and eventually stop the _protection_ of the city that was led by your own faction and Erudite. Breaking government property, the trains, with explosives. Theft of government property, the Dauntless Weapons that still cannot be found. And of course, the most obvious offense, your Divergence."

It was my turn to laugh. We must have done it. Four must have "eventually stopped" the serum, the others broke the trains and hid the guns so well they can't find them. Although I was still weak, starving and trapped in a tiny room, I felt light. We had done it.

I took another bit of the meat and looked at him, "So what happens to me now? A public killing to teach the subservient population of this city that they must follow orders?" I almost didn't care what happened to me, of course my imminent death was frightening and I would rather live but we had done it.

"Anna, if they were going to kill you, they would have done it when they captured you," he said, no joy in his voice anymore. "They are going to learn from your divergence by using you as a live test subject. You are going to live until they find all the information they can from you."

I did not miss that he continuously said "they" instead of "we". I cautioned my emotions because I knew it was a possibility that they were playing me, he may not be an ally. I also couldn't suppress all of my hope because he did warn me of the attack.

"Did you guys know before Marcus told?" I asked.

"I had my suspicions but everyone was and would have stayed oblivious. You were, by far, a favorite," he said.

I sat holding the apple. I planned to save it. I didn't know when my next meal would be. I had been wondering on how to ask my next question. I was being "charged" for all the crimes, did that mean no one else was caught?

"Am I the only captive?" I asked.

"Yes," he said.

"And Abnegation?"

"Are hiding with what we presume are your helpers. You couldn't have done everything by yourself but all cameras at Dauntless were erased. We have no evidence of anyone else's participation," he said slowly.

They had no proof; I was the only one in here. But that doesn't mean the others are safe, they must be looking for them. I hope they are smart enough to stay hidden.

"So what's happening in the city?" I asked.

"Could you be anymore vague," he responded with a quick smile as he was collecting the now empty tray and leaving me alone.


	18. Chapter 18

I thought of Four while falling asleep, I dreamt of him, I woke with thoughts of him, he kept me going. I realized the amount of idealizing I was partaking in wasn't healthy for my mind because I was slowly becoming unaware of reality. Unfortunately my present reality was just a lot of waiting. Unaware of how much time passed, I would go in and out of sleep often and quickly. Nothing happened, no one visited me except to occasionally let me go to restroom. I hadn't had a meal since Eric's visit. It all confused me, why was I here? They have to be planning to do something with me, otherwise they wouldn't have killed me.

My stomach angrily shouted at me. I picked up the apple I saved from the one and only meal I've had here. I took a bite while trying to focus on my reality rather than my wishful thoughts of my new love. The apple was sweet reminding me of Eric, who last time I saw was incredibly sweet, nothing like I experienced before with him. It didn't add up, who was he really? Was he to be trusted? All I knew for sure is he was a slippery fellow.

What was happening on the outside? Were the factions safe? Were the factions still strong? I remember from faction history class, there was almost no conflict at all in our past, all we learned about were the leaders and innovations. But now, Erudite tired to start a war, eliminate an entire faction, disrupt the system in a false motivation of protecting it. Things could not be as they were before, could they?

My body itched for activity and my mind ached for information. When the door opened next, I was happy, happy to see a captor. When they escorted me to a room labeled Lab A, Divergent Studies, I was happy. My joints joyfully walked through the door. My eyes took in every little detail. There was a chair in the center of the room, it reminded me of my final test during initiation but all the people in the room were wearing blue and had hand held computers. As I was guided through the room, the researchers, at least that is what I assumed they were, looked at me with either calculating interest or fearful curiosity.

Now I am sickened to think of the relief I felt walking into that room. I am sickened that I thought anything would be better than the isolated waiting. I am sickened because I know, I was completely and utterly wrong.

After being strapped in the chair so I couldn't escape, I started feeling anxious.

"So, what exactly what are you going to do to me?" I asked searching the faces. No one even looked up at me. I tried to move my arms, my legs, anything but nothing budged. I scolded myself for being so complacent, wasn't I Dauntless?

Jeanine Mathews walked into the room and everyone's attention went to her.

"Why hello Anna, thank you for a peaceful surrender," as she was speaking to me, she picked up a hand held computer and started tapping away. "As you know, you were born with a disturbing mutation that endangers the city. While you are here with us, we will be testing different serums on you to learn as much about a divergent brain as possible. With the information we obtain, we hope that we can learn how to subdue the divergence. If we accomplish this, we will administer the serum to everyone in the city via the water system. This means your life and death will not be in vain. You may have been born wrong, but that doesn't mean you can't help the cause."

Before I could process anything she said, I had been injected with my first test.

_I was sitting in my old room at Marcus' home. Staring down at my hands I saw there was a piece of loose skin at the base of one of my nails; I started to pick at it. The skin around it started to get pink but I couldn't stop. With a deep breath I peel the skin back, thinking it would have ripped out once it met the healthy skin but it didn't. A think strip of skin hung off my finger. Blood started to seep out, drip on the floor and showed no sign of stopping. Even with the irritating burn, I couldn't stop the nagging in my mind; I needed to get that skin off. _

_Just as I started to pull the strip of skin further I notified another dry skin on another nail. I started to pull on it. The same process happened over and over again until every finger on both hands were covered in blood, a sticky, sickening red liquid that wasn't slowing its flow. _

_My fingers killed. I heard the door slam. My heart stopped. Marcus, he will kill me when he sees all this blood. I started to rub my bleeding hands thinking I could clean them, but it was useless. I heard his footsteps booming up the stairs. My breathing started to become erratic, fear chocked me. He was outside my door, "Anna…." His voice called. _

_A scream froze in my throat as he walked in. I ran to the far side of the room, hiding my face in my bloody hands. _

_"Don't look at me," I screamed at him through shaking hands. "Leave me alone. Don't look at me. Don't look at me." _

_I looked up and he was a foot away from me. "Oh, bloody, just the way I like it," his voice made me puke. I couldn't stop screaming as he took another step closer to me. He grabbed me by my hair and threw me to the ground. Once he was on top of me, once I could feel his weight, smell his breathe and see his eyes, it hit me: this isn't real. _

_"This isn't real," I shouted. My breathing slowed. My pulse slowed. "I know this isn't real Jeannie, you are going to have to do better." _

I woke up in the same room filled with scientists. The light felt like it was burning through my eyes straight to my brain. My body was shaking, out of fear or adrenaline I don't know. My throat was dry and my muscles weak.

"That was very interesting," Jennie said distantly. "Thank you, Anna. We will see you again tomorrow." She turned and left the room.

The same attendants what walked me to the lab, unstrapped me and walked me back to my little room. Apparently they were not afraid of me attacking or running away because they let me walk freely. And they were right not to be afraid because I was still shaking from my experience, my mind couldn't focus, that simulation effected me strong than any other.

"May I go to the rest room," I asked my four silent escorts. Their response was silent but they led me past my room, around a corned and opened the bathroom door for me.

Once there, I looked in the mirror, I didn't even look like myself. My only feature I recognized was my eyes but they too were different, sad. I washed my hands once. I washed my hands again. I kept seeing the blood covered hands of my simulation self. I washed my hands again, more vigorously than the other times. I kept feeling my fingers picking and peeling my skin away. I could feel it as I washed my hands, like it was happening again and again. It made my skin crawl and my stomach churn. The creepy tearing feeling wouldn't leave my mind, it sickened me and I threw up.

After washing my face and hands a few more times, I rejoined my escorts. I was teetering on the edge of insanity. How were they getting to me so fast? Was I really that weak? No, I told myself, this is a mental issue. I can over come it. I decided that they would not get the best of me, I was going to fight until I died.

As I was sitting in my room, staring at my hands having flash backs of the simulation I tried to consider ways to keep my mind sharp. I needed to start keeping my mind active, start going over facts I've learned, think out every detail of my memories, and make a plan of escape. I was so deep in thought that I hadn't notice Eric come in with another meal.

My green eyes met Eric's icy blue irises, they were truly beautiful, breath taking, actually. His face was so strong and defiant, giving him an aura of power and sexiness. He was a true mixture of Erudite and Dauntless: a true mixture of the intelligent calculating torturers that didn't think twice about trying to dismantle someone's mind and the terrifying, harsh enforcers that use protection to gain power. It was a deadly combination. But it was a combination, something this society wasn't supposed to have.

"So," I started, "what is your part in all of this?"

"Why ask when you know you aren't going to get an answer?" he responded sounding more like his usual self than last time.

"Did you see my simulation?" I asked him.

He nodded.

"And what did you think?"

"I think you are an interesting test subject because you have had so much trauma in your life already. You're mind has had to adapt to real life situations, and build barriers to keep out the bad. The evolution of your mind has made your mind incredibly strong," Eric said.

"It doesn't feel strong," I muttered frustrated.

I picked at my food because I knew I should eat but I wasn't hungry anymore. I looked back to Eric with tears of frustration in my eyes.

"What's going on in the world?" I asked.

"Anna," he said warily.

"Why can't you tell me, it's not like I can do anything from in here?"

A tear gracefully slides from my eye down my check. I know I should have been embarrassed to show weakness in front of one of my captures but I didn't care. There was silence between us. His blue eyes were easy to get lost in. I could feel my checks flush and a few more tears fall down. Why was I feeling this way about him? I looked away feeling like he could hear my thoughts.

His hand lifted to my face, I stilled completely as he wiped my tears away.

"Jeanine doesn't want you to know anything because she doesn't want it to affect your mental status and your results in the simulations," his voice was quiet.

"Why are you being so gentle, so nice?" I asked.

"Before it was all about claiming my dominance, that isn't fun when you can't fight back or be yourself," he said in a matter-of-fact tone.

"I could fight back?" I asked rolling my eyes.

"Could, just didn't want to," he said with a smug grin.

"If that's what you want to tell yourself," I responded while my mind flickered to Four for just a moment.

"You would have gotten bored of him," he said.

"What?" He took my off guard.

"You would have gotten bored of Four."

"He's loving, safe, strong and honest. He was perfect, is perfect for me," I responded fiercely.

"He's gentle and after a while it would bore you. You have a strong spirit not a soft one. You need to be challenged physically and intellectually, that is why you did so well in initiation. A simple love would never been enough for you," he said crossing his chiseled arms.

"Oh, you think you are so smart," I said like a child.

"I am smart," he retorted.

I worried he was right, that Four wouldn't have been enough for me. After a few moments of contemplation I realized, it doesn't matter, I'm here and I couldn't see anyway of escaping, yet.

Eric left the tray of food for me when he left. Our conversation left me confused but feeling better. My mind wasn't flashing back to the simulation, I didn't feel as broken and I actually felt a little hungry.

The next day when they came to get me, I was more alert but didn't fight them. I memorized the way to the room. I looked down every hallway we past to try to get a feel of the layout. I realized there were absolutely no windows, which worried me; there was no way to tell if I was above ground or below.

The people in the lab were the same as the day before. I didn't see Eric, so he must be watching my simulations from somewhere else, meaning, I had no idea exactly how many people were watching.

I sat in the chair without having to be told to. They started to strap me in as Jeannine came in.

"Hello, Anna. Today we are going to test a different kind of serum. I won't tell you exactly what because I'd like to see your true reaction," as she said this, there was a spark in her eye that scared me.

Moments after being injected my skin felt as though it was on fire. I was in the same room, I could see all the same people, but every inch of my skin was in pain. I thought they must have set me on fire but I couldn't see any flames. Perhaps it was a chemical slowly burning through my skin. I tried to break free of my restraints even though it was useless. My need to fight reminded me of the times Marcus raped me, where I knew fighting wouldn't stop it but I had to respect myself enough to try.

The pain was so excruciating that I couldn't hear, I could barely seen, and it was overwhelming. My lungs were sore eluding me to the fact that I must have been screaming. My mind was flying a mile a minute in every direction. Trying to reign in my thoughts I realized something, the pain wasn't real, it was in my mind. The moment this awareness hit, the pain stopped.

This went on for days, sometimes the serums would attack my fears, sometimes cause pain, sometimes cause paralysis, but always, I never knew what was coming. Eric sat and talked with me each and every day but I was still starting to break. I was feeling hopeless.

Then, on the sixth day, Eric brought me a pad of paper with my dinner. On this pad of paper I started to write my story and, I believe it saved my life. Eric helped me save my life and the complications continued.


End file.
